When to allow family to see baby

Question

So we just bought a house and moved in two weeks ago. My mom and step dad came to visit and also my SO dad and step mom (also happened to be the weekend of my baby shower) from out of town. Of course I loved having my mom here and would have her stay way longer, but the stress of visitors was very real. And his parents are very loud opinionated people lacking normal guest respect (I made a huge breakfast and had everyone come to eat and his dad just sat on the phone talking really loud to his friend the whole time while we tried to eat. My SO even yelled at him to get off the phone and he wouldn't. And then never once said thank you or offered to help clean up, just walked off once he was done and kept talking while my parents helped me clean up. His step mom never came to the table and stayed in the room and then just got breakfast later even though I saved her a plate) so anyway that's a back story...now all his family is far away and are talking about coming once the baby is born and same with my family. I don't want to be overwhelmed with guests and since everyone besides my sister would be from out of town I don't know how to schedule visits. My SO was thinking of having a Labor Day party and everyone doing a "meet and greet" and not having people stay for weeks at a time (which all his family said they would do to "help out"). But I don't want that many people when my baby is only a few weeks old to be surrounded by a million people. In all honesty if it was just my family i wouldn't care but his family stresses me out to the max. Just need some help on how to schedule visits from people flying 3000 miles to see him. Thanks everyone for your input

Answer

Oh I'm in a very similar dilemma. My parents and my husbands parents plus siblings all want to come after baby is here. Well that's from out of state and that means staying here with me. On top of that, my husband travels for work and will only be here with me and baby for the first few days. So first I don't want anyone here the few days he gets to be here. Then it stresses me out to think I have to schedule everyone else so they don't overlap with each other and basically prep the house for them and clean up after they leave. This is our first baby and I don't really want people here 24 hours a day for days at a time. I want my space and to figure this out without their advice and without having to care for them too. I've said this to them and my mom completely understands and says she will come whenever I say is ok. But my in laws respond by giving a guilt trip on how I can keep them from seeing their grandbaby. The whole thing just stresses me out. Good luck to you in your situation and sorry I don't have advice.

Answer

It sounds like having his family come and "help out" would actually create more work for you. And I wouldn't feel comfortable having a million people come over and play pass the newborn (which they will try to do). If you mom is coming to help you, but you don't want your super rude in laws to come just tell them you had already arranged that and you will see them at the winter holidays (maybe). I don't see any reason to Include people who don't have common courtesy.

Answer

All of our family would want to stay with us to help...which would be great if they didn't stress us out.  We just went thru a month of having out of state house guest and it was exhausting...especially since no one believes they are being inconvenient, but actually are.  I told family that only my mom and then PIL will be overnight guest within the first month. Anyone else can visit but for less then 2 hrs.  My husband is taking the first week off. Then my mom is coming for a week, week off, then his parents for a week. If I want my mom can come again.  I just feel like regardless I should be entertaining his parents and his dad always causes huge issues so I'm not really looking forward to their "helpful" visit.  They wanted to stay for 2 weeks right when baby comes and I already shot that down.   So they aren't happy with me anyway since they have to wait a month.

Answer

With a new baby, the more "help" the more chaos. I would give them information on local hotels and let them know that we will only be having 2 visitors a day as recommended by her pediatrician, until she gets her first set of shots. I'm Mexican, so my family won't be coming by until my baby is at least a month old. We have a thing about mother and baby for the first 30 days. Only the mother's parents and father's mother make visits during the first 30 days.

Answer

For me out Lo won't her shots until two months besides hep b, but I'm using that as an excuse

Answer

Thankfully our families are local but a bit more considerate.  My mom truly helps if I ask (making meals, taking my kids to the park, doing laundry etc.) My MIL has said she won't come to the hospital to visit this time bc she doesn't want to drive the 1.5hr drive and knows her parents won't either.  Fine by us! She stresses us out and we don't plan to stay the usual 2-3 days like we had with our previous 2.

With that being said, we will send out a text to those that use phones and for the great grandparents our parents will pass along the message.  Then they will be told to text us or.call us if they have a time they'd like to come but aside from my parents and siblings and my MIL and sil, we will probably wait 2 weeks or so to allow others in.

When to allow family to see baby

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