Should sides be taken?

Question

In advance I do apologize if I offend anyone.

There is a divide in my family right now. This divide began over a week ago. My sister-in-law of 10yrs announced she is pregnant. Everyone was so excited at the time by this news, because she and my brother have been trying for so very long for another child. I of course was stoked, because her and I would be pregnant in tandem. However, as soon as she revealed her being pregnant she announced it isn't my brothers that she's been intimate with another man. Everyone was shocked and felt embarrassed for my brother. He asked us to leave soon there after so that he may speak with her alone and work things out. Of course we obliged offering our sympathies on the way out. A few days had passed and my brother asked to speak to the family over dinner about things. We met for dinner at my brothers place. He announced that though this isn't his child he will raise him or her and be the baby's father. That he loves his wife and through love, faith, counseling, and with guidance from God they will move past this and raise their family. My mother, 2 of sisters, and my brother-in-law voiced their dislike of this decision, rationalizing their disagreement based on her not being blood. So began the divide, because me, my other brother, and my youngest sister support their decision to move forward and remain together to raise their family. Our support derives from love and the knowledge that even though it may not be the most ideal way for them to have another baby, a baby is always a blessing. My family that does not support my brother and sister-in-law don't miss the opportunity to lecture us supporting family members on how we are just as foolish and stupid as my brother. They say things like they will not acknowledge the baby because the baby is a product of infidelity. This eats at my very soul. I admit I lost my temper with my sisters and told them they are the stupid fools, and they'll regret saying these things and treating my brother and sister-in-law with such disgusting disrespect. As of now I'm not nor do I plan on having any dealings with nonsupporters.

So my question is; am I wrong, should sides be taken or is a neutral standpoint more appropriate?

Answer

What did the baby do to deserve this hate? I agree with you, you definitely need to take a side and defend your brother. If he wants to move forward then hateful comments from your hateful family are not going to stop him.

Answer

I honestly think a neutral standpoint is necessary.

I understand the baby didn't do anything in this but his wife seriously did one of the worst and most disgusting things I have Ever heard.

Not only did she cheat, she took probably the happiest moment of your brothers life and shattered it in front of his whole family.

I would support my brother and love this baby if he loves it, but I would Never like/respect/care about his wife again. I also don't think you can expect them to respect this woman Ever. The most I could expect is civility in front of the child honestly and that will take time.

Answer

when I got pregnant, at 20, my mom said she wanted nothing to do with me or my baby because I was so young, lining in her house, and I wasn't married to her father. fast forward to now, my daughter is three months and my mom and I have never been closer, and she is IN LOVE with my daughter. people get passed all the anger and hate, and realize a new life is coming into this world. they will all get over it (trust me, if my mom can get over it, anyone can). they will adore this new baby whether its biological to your brother or not.

Answer

At the end of the day it's their decision. It was nice of your brother to include the family & open the floor for discussion, but it's between him and his wife. Marriage is a covenant, and if two people are committed to moving forward, and look to God for guidance, they can make it through. However, her choosing to announce that it was not your brother's child in front of others is heartbreaking. I could imagine how he felt. Hoping for the best!

Answer

I'm surprised this information was shared..   I personally wouldn't have been open with the family about it. I agree with you. It's not family's business to not 'support' it.

Answer

I think being neutral is better but you're brother does need support.

The non-supporting family members are acting like the baby is gonna be Hitler wtf

Answer

I mean it's human nature to pick a side, but at the end of the day no ones opinion matters but his. He is a patient and forgiving man, and I really hope everything works out for him. But I don't really think it's any our places to judge that decision, no matter how close you are to him (your other family). I think all you can do is love and support his decision. It's already a hard one and a no win situation.... He doesn't need more stress. Supporting him is great, just try not to cause more family drama for him in the process.

Answer

The baby didn't do anything to them and it's sad they are hating the poor child before it's even born. You're right to support your brother .  Although I do understand the shock your other family members may be feeling. It still isn't an excuse for them to be so hateful.

Answer

Does the bio dad know about the baby? Does he not want to be a part of the child's life? Also, did your brother know the baby wasn't his when she told you all? I can't imagine the shock for everyone involved.

Answer

I want to say thank you to all who have taken the time to offer input and advice. Life and it's curve balls aren't always easy and this situation is no exception. It's good to have a community of people you can receive unbiased advice and support from. I do appreciate all of your generous thoughts on this. Thank you!

Should sides be taken?

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