Six Ways a Stay-At-Home Mom Can Remain Connected To the Job Market

There are many things I could have foreseen about my life, but what I never could have imagined was that I would be one of the one in three moms who opts out of the workforce after their children are born. I am a cliché, the stay-at-home mom who moved to the suburbs and, facing a second or third child, becomes overwhelmed and chooses to stay home. According to research, I was a classic opt-out, a woman who had never before imagined herself outside the workforce but found that the long hours and inflexible schedule left her feeling overworked, overwhelmed and devoid of options.

I became a stay-at-home mom with itchy feet, happy to be with my adorable sons, but highly cognizant that there was someplace else I wanted to be. I drive 22,000 miles a year without leaving my home turf in Westchester County, New York and, before long, I felt like I was not going anywhere literally or metaphorically.

When Today Show’s Savannah Guthrie asked me what I should have done differently my answer was simple. I should have left a pilot light on under my professional life. 

As a stay-at-home mom, I should have nurtured a flame, no matter how small, that could later be fueled into a fire. I should have realized that my profession could not be my children’s lives.

It sounded good, I thought, but what does it really mean. Leaving the workplace for some period of time was not my mistake and, as I tried to point out, I have never met a parent of either gender who regrets time spent with their children. My mistake was not failing to stay in the job market, but rather failing to stay in touch with the job market. Walking away entirely, that I regret.

Life affords few do overs, but were I to be granted one, here is how I would have nurtured my dormant career. Here is what any parent who wants/needs to stay home with their kids can do to keep a toe in the water, without drowning.

1. Stay close to your working parent friends.

While we have long known that teens are heavily influenced by their friends, recent research suggests that in some ways adults are as well. And while the camaraderie of other stay-at-home moms is one of the many joys of being home with our kids, a life spent exclusively among the non-employed can begin to alter anyone’s outlook. Keep close to your friends who are working. Their life might not be for you right now, but when it is they will be your supporters and guides when you transition back into the workplace. A great divide can open up in the mom world and SAHMs can distance themselves from working moms. Don’t do that. Stay in the day-to-day lives of friends who are working even if you have decided to take time off. They will be a reminder of how it is done when you are ready to go back. It may be a year. It may be 10 years, but it is your working friends who will be your trusted advisors when the day comes.

2. Stay in touch, real touch.

I lost contact with every person I ever worked with. My family moved back and forth between the US and the UK a number of times and, with social media yet to be invented, I just let those contacts slip away. Big mistake.Social media, an effort to maintain real connection and emails can keep you in touch with former (and perhaps future) employers. The people you used to work with still see you as a highly competent professional and, as my friend, Carol Fishman Cohen, co-founder of back-to-work organization iRelaunch, points out, their view of you is frozen in time. Have lunch with former colleagues or clients if possible. Send personal emails to keep up, attend professional association meetings or see if there is a company alumni network. If this doesn’t work and old office mates are the type who grab drinks after hours, get out of the mommy clothes and join them once in a while. They may go out every week, but if you join them a couple of times a year, it will keep the connection alive.