? Am i ridiculous

Question

So I haven't got a shower in a few days , I coach my 10yr olds softball team, I'm a stay at home mom with my 5yr old, and 1month old.  Husband works but doesn't do any house work or errands. I'm ebf and I pump to keep a supply for  emergencies. I texted my husband today asking for some time to myself tonight so I could enjoy a relaxing bubble bath after my shower. No problems. So I feed our lo get her to sleep and get in the shower. After washing  and filling the tub I hear her start screaming, ( not very relaxing) she cress for a few minutes and then stops ! I take a breath and Lay back, my 5 yr bursts in to go potty (of course) and she tells me that daddy warmed the milk out of the freezer to feed the baby!  I just fed her so I know she cant be starving and he knows that I don't want to use the bottle unless I'm not there. (Which was once so far when I took our older girls to a 2hr movie ) so I jump out of the bath to feed her and she isn't even hungry. She needed her diaper changed and just wanted swaddled and put back to bed. am I ridiculous for being upset and  not wanting him to use a bottle?

Answer

He was trying to help. He probably assumed she was hungry and didn't want to bother you. Would you have preferred for him to come in the bathroom and tell you to deal with her? At least he tried unlike a lot of men I read about on here.

Answer

He tried to let you have your alone time... He was doing the best he could. 
He was trying to let you relax. I think it's super sweet of him and you're overreacting. 
If she's not hungry she wouldn't drink the milk anyways. And he would've moved on to the next possible reason.

Next time you want a night to relax, don't be so picky. Dad has a different way of doing things and that's okay.

He wanted you to have your time. If every time he does something wrong you jump out and fix it, he won't learn or want to do it, he'll feel stupid and like he can't parent as well as you can. Which is a shitty feeling

Answer

He was just doing his best. Of course, his best isn't the same as your best because you're mom. But maybe cut him some slack? Yo asked for alone time and that was all he was trying to give you.

Answer

Most men just don't understand. He tried helping you. He just didn't do what was needed. You spend all day with her and know what she needs. He still has to figure it out.

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That's how I was one time. My boyfriend was trying to help & he warmed up one of my frozen stash for the baby & I got mad at him & told him they are for when I decide to go back to work. But then I realized he knew how tired I be taking care of all 4 of our kids, cooking, cleaning & then barely getting sleep at night. So I let him help out any way that he can when he's not working or tired from work.

Answer

I think so especially because he didn't want to bother you since you asked for alone time which he was trying to give you.. He tried to handle it the best way he could and for him to automatically assume she was hungry is a normal reaction especially in men.. Now That you got upset with him over giving her a bottle it probably made him feel some type of way and will probably be reluctant on watching the baby the next time you want alone time.. I read so many posts on here of women complaining about not having alone time but when they do get it they get upset at their spouse for doing something they don't like.

Answer

You sound like me when my husband loads the dishwasher. Lol, I got over that real quick. Just bc he doesn't do something your way doesn't make it wrong. I know you probably worked hard pumping that milk but at least he's trying. Still I don't think you're being ridiculous, just cut him a break 🤗

Answer

Honestly dear, yes, you're being a bit ridiculous. Help is help. He did his part. Plus, I think about how my LO is, and I can honestly say he doesn't care what time you feed him. Sometimes he'll nurse constantly, or drink two bottles back to back. Other times he nibbles and is done. Babies have growth spurts and moods. So for your husband to assume she was hungry, isn't too far from the mark. Almost 99% of my LO's fussing or crying is milk related. Just my two cents.

Answer

This exact thing happened to me. I was super annoyed because all he had to do was say 'what would you like me to do?'

Answer

He tried to do as you asked by taking care of baby but most men's first response is that their hungry. They don't think of them needing a diaper change. He most likely doesn't help otherwise unless you ask for it? But you got out of the tub to make sure what he was doing was right.

? Am i ridiculous

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