Afraid to admit that I had an abortion

I was 8 weeks pregnant last year, I went to get an ultra sound and the doctor told me that I was most likely miscarrying because there was no fetus present in my uterus but he also said it could be too early to tell. I decided to tell my mother who pushed me into getting an abortion before my next ultra sound. I tell everyone that I had a miscarriage because I'm afraid if I tell them I had an abortion, people will hate me. I hate myself.