Sorry for venting

My man is an addicte.. He has been off heroin for two years now but he keeps doing xanex.. He doesn't do them all the time but still I hate him when he is on it. I am proud of him for being off heroin but god damn it's time to knock everything off the table. He is an amazing guy but when he is on that shit I can't stand him. He knows how I feel about it. I break down to him all the damn time. I help raise his child. I help him with everything he does. I am the one standing next to him. I am the one who tells him every day how proud I am of him. Today I told him that he didn't understand I think about leaving every time you do that shit. He goes then leave. That just threw me in a whole different loop of emotion. Like wow after so much I have done for you... You don't care if I walk away? You don't care that you hurt me so fucking much? You don't feel an ounce of sorry for making me bawl  like a fucking baby right in front of you? I don't let no one see me cry. Your daughter looks up to me!! You are okay with me leaving and your daughter doesn't have someone she actually liked from all of your other little relationships? You tell me I am your world and you couldn't do this without you but you are okay if I just walked out? I am so heart broken. He says this is the best two years of his life because of me.. But yet you are just willing to let that shit walk right out the door? I do everything for this man. I would cut my right arm off for this man. And he is just willing to just drop me like that? Are you SHITTING ME?! You wouldn't live in this fucking house if it was for my help. I might be pregnant now because we were planning! I've never done him wrong. So why is it okay to hurt me??? He acts like he doesn't care. He smiles about it! Being in a relationship with an addict is one of the hardest relationship. I was always there supporting him.. I have done so much for him and now... Fuck what now?