I regret having an abortion

I've never told the entire story of my pregnancy and abortion before. I need to get it off my chest. I hope this isn't too wordy or long and that it doesn't have too many typos. Props to you if you read it all.

Back story: At the time, I was just getting ready for an interview for my now job and was living at home with my parents. I was 19 at the time and my boyfriend and I had been together since June 2015. My boyfriend and I have always been 99% sure we will get married in the future.

I suspected I was pregnant in early February of this year. I took a pregnancy test with my boyfriend and it was EXTREMELY positive. I told my parents and they freaked out. They said I'm too young to have a baby and that they would end up being the ones who take care of the baby. They told me I have to get an abortion or I would have to move out.

So I, a confrontation-avoiding people pleaser, couldn't so no even though I wanted to keep the baby. I told them I would have one.

My mom accompanied me to Planned Parenthood later on to get an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy. After seeing the photo, I felt awful. I couldn't believe I was going to lose this beautiful child. I then finally expressed to my mom that I wanted to keep the child. She yelled and said horrible things that I can't and don't want to repeat. I sobbed.

I had my abortion done at Planned Parenthood, as you may have guessed. It was a horrendous experience. The staff were not very compassionate. Well, they weren't at all compassionate, really. I have severe anxiety and it felt like I was having 50 panic attacks at once. They didn't seem to care or understand... which is kind of weird, because who on EARTH would be elated, boisterous, or anything other than anxious or depressed when getting an abortion?

I cried the entire time. They did give me medicine, but because of my increasing levels of anxiety, they didn't work very well. I felt pretty much everything and it hurt. Physically and emotionally. It was hands down the most traumatic experience I've ever had.

Ever since then, I have been depressed. Immensely. I've cried myself to sleep almost every night since. I think about my baby all the time. I have so much regret and guilt. I keep their ultrasound picture with me in my wallet. I'm never without them.

I work with kids at a daycare and every time I'm around them, I get so happy and I almost cry because I wish I had been able to keep and have mine.

I don't really know what else to say. I pray no one thinks ill of me for not fighting my parents and keeping the baby. I wish I did, but I would have no where to go had I kept the baby. I like to think what I did was best for my baby.

Also, I know I'm technically of age and all that, but that couldn't really help my situation any more. Since I do live with my parents and my boyfriend lives with his.

I guess I'll end it here then. I'd appreciate kind thoughts being sent my way. Thank you regardless for reading. ❤️