What would you do?

Question

I have a 21 year old sister that has met my now 2 year old ONCE, when she was 4 months old. This sister started smoking meth 2 years ago, went to rehab, relapsed, went back to rehab, relapsed again, and now has been on the streets for the past year with her boyfriend who is pretty much the same perso. She was arrested for prostitution and just last week got out of jail that she had been in for 2 months for trespassing... so NOW, she is clean (duh, she's been in jail for 2 months) and has moved back in with my mom. I no longer want my kids at my mom's house and it has become a battle... my new guy is coming in 2 weeks and my mom thinks I'm selfish for not allowing my sister to meet my new guy or see my daughter... what would you do?

Answer

Well, if there is one thing I've learned being in a family with a brother for an addict it's that the mothers are usually the enablers and will always take care of, stick up for, and shelter the "broken bird", so to speak. So the fact that your mother is calling you "selfish" for not wanting your child to be exposed to a unhealthy environment is just one of the ways she's trying to protect her child, who will forever be broken and I need of care, support, and sheltering by mom. Really, it would do your sister some good to have to experience the consequences of her behavior and one of those consequences is to prove that she's capable of being a safe person for your kids to be around. My mother is forever expecting me and my siblings to respect my addict brother, but respect, just like being a safe person, is EARNED and nurtured by mending relationships and holding the person responsible. My mother always takes on responsibility for my brother and expects us all to just accept him, despite the pain, suffering and abuse he's put us through... I say, stick to your guns, do what makes you FEEL COMFORTABLE, and remember your mom will almost always side with the addict, especially if she feels responsible for making the addict or enjoys taking care of the addict. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Best of luck t you!!

Answer

I personally wouldn't let the kids go over. If your sister is truly trying to work on herself, she needs the space with your mom for now. Take things slow and take few trips without the kids first. Give it some time and let things happen slowly. Plus, you don't want to put your kids in any potential danger just because your mom wants to force you to do what she wants by making you feel bad. It's called manipulation and I wouldn't want to teach my kids to allow people to manipulate them into bad situations.

Answer

Everyone has been giving really good responses so I'll keep mine short- I have 2 brothers that I will not even notify that our baby has arrived. One lives with my parents at age 34. My mom completely disagrees with me. But it's our baby and our choice. Family or not I don't care. We are making our decision for what's best for us and our baby. I also look at it as- if let's say a friend had done the actions my brothers have, my mom would say "heck no are you letting your friend near your baby". This shouldn't change because we share the same blood and are siblings. Good luck!

Answer

That's a tough one. I don't think it's selfish, but I do know a woman with a similar story. However its her brother and her boys are a little bit older. Which brings problems in another way, she wants to be honest about where her brother has been (in prison) and her mom wants her to say he's been away at 'school'. 
You do what's best for you and your daughter. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. I know that's easier said than done, but it's about the best interest for you and yours. God bless!

Answer

Completely on your side. Your kids and your decision. Your sister needs to prove she is trust worthy. My aunt was the same way while we're growing up and unfortunately had 2 kids. My mom ended up taking care of them for a bit so my cousins are pretty much my brothers. But every time my mom would allow her sister around bc she thought she changed... She would dissappear in the middle of the night after stealing from my mom. Don't be in the middle of it and keep your family safe.

Answer

You have every right to feel the way you do. If your mom wants to be apart of your children's lives she needs to respect your wishes and come to your house if you wish or meet somewhere.

Answer

Mother's intuition! Personally,  even though it's hard, I wouldn't let her see your babies either (at least not for now). This may sound harsh, but your babies are so precious and you just don't know what your sister picked up while doing drugs/prostitution. Imagine if she somehow passed something on to your babies somehow. That's how little babies get cold sores & diseases they just shouldn't have. I think it's normal to protect your babies like that, you love them.

Answer

I have a sil who is a former pain pill addict and just very mentally unstable. She's doing better now and I'm so thankful. That being said I won't risk my 3 yr old being around here with out my being there. She would love to babysit but I can't risk my child's safety.

Answer

Nope your not crazy I would do the same. Honestly my kids aren't allowed to see my sister either bc she is mentally unstable. She told me she loved my daughter more than I do.... I AM A STAY AT HOME I go out with my hubby maybe once every 3 months for like 1-3 hours max otherwise my life is my children. She also yelled at me bc I wouldn't drive my daughter 1 1/2 hours to drop her off so she could babysit and then I do everything I needed to (that I normally do with my kids) drive back pick her up and drive home.... UMMMM that is like 6 hours in the car!

Answer

I wouldn't want my child around her either. You have to make the decision that's best for your child not your mother

What would you do?

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