Mixed feelings

So last month I was 2 weeks late it was the worst I was testing like crazy just to keep seeing bfns! It was the worst and this months it's happening again! I told my self I'm not going to stress and I hadn't been I've been enjoying everything again and now I'm going crazy I havnt been this irregular in more than a year and now my body is going crazy. This time I havnt tested at all I just am tired of seeing bfn and my husband keeps asking me to test but I'm just too scared to see a negative I cant get myself to test.... just needed to vent it out