I'm so damn angry right now

My husband hand me his phone and I notice he was on Craigslist personals mind I have not been the mood alot due to surgery's and kidney stones. But he said he hasn't been on their how do I trust him if he can't tell me the truth he has done this before. I'm a failure I am a big girl should I starve my self. Ferret I had a kid for this man I went over my fear to married him. I have been raped and beaten I used to hate men. My god I fill worthless..