Why do I feel I'm beating my self up...!

So a year ago today after Ivf we found out we was pregnant after 5 years of trying operations and heartache. It was everything we ever wanted we was so happy so happy words couldn't no describe, on the 10th August when I was 3 weeks 4 day. We lost the baby a baby that felt like we already had loved and dreamed of, I just feel so low . I am starting a FET just waiting for my bleed start, but I just can't help but feel how everything in one year has changed. Baby I just want you to know your always in my heart even if your not by my side I love you... Xxxxx