depression

So as you know I left my dude and I'm depressed but I'm happy I'm depressed (if that makes any sense) because the first time I was ever depressed I was 16 and lost so much weight so I'm hoping that this will happen again. I find myself slowly falling back into my anorexic days and honestly I need to because I'm fat and I'll never be happy with myself unless I'm skinny. So I'm happy I'm depressed 😞 hopefully by December I'll be at least 130 pounds or less