My heart is literally breaking right now. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and we were friends for 1 year prior to us dating. I love him more than anything in the world. Marriage had obviously come up a few times, mostly because I can't seem to say the words that make him understand why it's so important to me. Today, he dropped this bombshell on me.

He won't marry me because he doesn't get any benefit from it. His selling points were a: married people are miserable and over 50%of the population end in divorce, b: it's too expensive to have a wedding and the average budget spent on a wedding is 30,000, and c: I'm ruining my credit so the marriage would be pointless because my credit wouldn't help his. He literally fucking said that.

Like talk about a slap in the face, and a blade through the heart. Every rebuttal I had like, not everyone gets divorced and are miserable and gave examples of married couples I know, including his own mother that just got married. And it was like pulling teeth to even get him to go. To his own mothers wedding.

I told him, we don't need to spend that much on a wedding(I've even suggested eloping) and there are always people willing to help. He still said it was too expensive, and buying a ring on top of that was too expensive. Mind you, in his mind he needs to spend at least 10 grand on a ring. He's fucking high as balls, I don't need a ring that's expensive. I've told him that, but he thinks it's a reflection of him and he's too cheap if it's any less than that. This is the same man who refuses to shop for jewelry anywhere but eBay. And then, when he made the remark about my credit not helping his I lost it. I was so mad and so hurt that this is all that I mean to him.

I have said it's a commitment thing, he said you don't need to be married to show commitment. Literally every point I make he has an excuse to why it's not valid.

I just don't know how to say the words to let him see it from my perspective. I want to be married before ttc, I want to know that my baby has a secure family. I want to know that he is in it forever. I just don't know.

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent and ask for help.