so fed up ...

I'm so fed up of feeling unloved, unwanted and like a piece of SHI*! I met my partner 4 years ago and we have 2 beautiful children together.. But things have just gone downhill and I don't know why, I really don't.. He gets angry over the stupidest littlest things, he falls out with me over nothing, I can't ask him a question without me  being "paranoid" he says, he isn't affectionate towards me no more unless he wants sex which really frustrates me. Every arguments Alls he says is "I don't love you, I can't stand you, I hate you, I don't wan an be with you, im only with you for the kids, I despise you, your a mess, your a bitch, your a slag" that's every single argument.. The more someone says something the more we start to believe it, I sit and cry for nothing, he's dragged me down to rock bottom but I'm not strong enough to walk away because despite what he says to me I LOVE HIM, and I'm not strong enough to walk away from the person I love ... I don't wanna go to the doctors (I think I'm mildly depressed) because he's told me before "I don't wanna be with someone and anti depressants if you go on them it's over" .. I'm stuck in a rut :'( anyone give me some advice or someone to talk to...