joy.. sadness.. mixed emotions

I lost my nephew suddenly to Sids 4 months ago on May 4th... Our family is still beyond devastated and have not come to terms with the loss he was such a perfectly healthy 7mth old baby boy. Since hes passed I cannot even look at another baby.. It makes me sad and just reminds me that hes gone. Even baby sections in stores I avoid them because It just hurts so badly... I am not pregnant and due in May 2017. My husband and I are happy to be expecting but I still cant look at other babies and continue to avoid baby departments/aisles etc. Im really hoping over time this gets better... At this point I dont even thnk I want a baby shower but at the same time I dont think i could get myself to buy anything either... Im so angry and sad that hes gone. I know even when I announce it to my family its going to be a time of sadness because everyone will be thinking of my sweet nephew... Just feeling terrible about everything😞