Disappointment and hope..

So I declared this past cycle "positivity month". I had a perfume named "Beautiful Day" and I was determined that it would be true! IT WORKED, kind of..my overall attitude and mental health soared. And all my football teams had great success!! I've actually just loved, lived, and accepted everything that came my way.. and DAMN of there were several dooseys ! ( New job, quitters at said new job, jumping up 3 rungs at said new job due to BADASSNESS, maintaining old job part time, dealing with inequality like WHOA.. ect..). On my shittiest day, I got dealt the most stressful hand imaginable at BOTh jobs... I worked over 50 hrs a week in my tww.. and I survived with both a smile and a very light and appreciative heart. Then today happened. I DID NOT get a Positive pregnancy test.. ( AF showed up before I even thought to test! That bitch..)

So, I'm sad. But I'm completely OK with that emotion, mostly. After 21 months of trying, ( and the last 5 on fertility meds) I expect the negative now. Yes it's terrible. But today DH actually sounded disheartened. I re mentioned the next options available, and he agreed. It's time to try something new. We've scheduled an IUI for November. With every eye, finger, toe ,and extremity crossed, we go forward with POSITIVE THOUGHT. I'll continue with my "positivity" mindset.. we will prevail. Someday.