I'm scared.
36+5 and I'm starting to feel anxious & terrified. Not because of labor or pain I will feel, not of the complications that could possibly occur, not even of the actual birth. This is baby #2 for me, you see my daughter will be just shy of 8 years old when her little brother makes his appearance. She is from a previous relationship before I met my fiancé & he's been her step dad since she was 5. Before that it's always just been her & I. I deeply admire our relationship and she is my world. Don't get me wrong, we prayed for this baby & he is a miracle of God. I love him already so much, but I honestly feel like I'm cheating my daughter out of a relationship with her mama. I know she's older, & some may think that I'm being overly dramatic. But I never had my mother at all growing up. I was raised by my dad, he did the best he knew how but it was up to me basically raising myself (hence why I got pregnant with her at 17) so I cherish my relationship with her. I feel guilty and I'm worried she will feel less important and in result turn out like I did. Then there is the fact that I'm basically starting all over and I'm worried I won't be a good enough mother to both of them at the same time. This may be the finish line of all hormones combined but it has been literally keeping me up at night. She's so excited to be a big sister and she getting just what she wanted, a baby brother. I'm happy that my family is growing but why do I have these feelings? I don't know anyone personally who has such a large age gap between their kids so I feel like I'm alone with this. I'm scared of being a bad mom.
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