Depression. I feel so drained of energy
I have been depressed for about 5 months now. It's to the point where I have a hard time finding interest in activities/things I use to enjoy and I want to sleep all the time. I wake up feeling exhausted, I go through the motions of the day extremely fatigued. By the time it's nighttime and my man and I are together relaxing, I can't seem to stay awake and want to go to bed early. We live together but he works long hours so I usually only get nights with him. Our sex life hasn't been very often. When we do, it feels great and I feel in the moment but he's been tired/busy and I haven't felt confident with myself so I don't seduce him or spice things up like I used to. My appetite for real food had been through the roof. It's probably what I've been getting most excited about lately. I have all these goals and things I'd like to accomplish but can't find motivation to do any of it. I see all these people with these huge drives to want to be successful and completing huge goals and I envy them. I want to be there but I can't seem to find the step to start being motivated. My man says he's attracted to me still and appreciates all I do for us and our home but deep down I feel he's upset I've lost so much motivation for life. I sure know it's unattractive to him. I want to help myself FOR myself. But also for him because he is my other half. A lot of the time now I'm worrying about my physical health too. I have been diagnosed with anxiety in the past and I'm known to worry about things. My doctor said I was healthy when I saw her last, and I assume I'm healthy. But then my anxiety takes over me and I worry again.
I have some deep rooted issues from my past that often linger in my mind especially when I'm alone and just sitting around. It's a pretty awful place in my mind when I'm reminded of my past. I'm pretty sure it's partially causing me to feel this depression. As if life doesn't drag me down enough-my mind likes to pour salt on the wound 😖 There's lots of things I've never really talked about with anyone and it's such a burden. I write and that helps.
I just feel so different from other people. I feel isolated. None of my family lives near me, I have no friends and my man is my best friend. I have a hard time meeting new people and stay at home as much as I can. I'm an introvert. I am socially awkward and don't feel like I'm anywhere close to other women. I feel ugly and alienated. I've always felt this way. Like something was different about me. I still haven't figured out what.
I'm just trying to find myself truly and be happy. To not feel alienated from the rest of the world. I've been finding hobbies and spending my down time being more active especially outdoors. I'm thinking about going to one last visit to my doctor just to get one definite you are healthy answer just so I can have peace of mind. I would really rather not go to a therapist.
Any other women out here feeling similar to me? Any suggestions or know what might be going on? Just wanna talk? Reaching out to you all helps me a lot ❤️
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