Miscarriage

My husband and I started TTC 1 year and 5 months ago. Last month we finally got pregnant when I started using Glow by pinpointing my ovulation dates.

I missed my period on the 20th of September and tested on the 27th. I cried he cried and we were in a blissful happiness for two days until I started experiencing light bleeding on the 29th.

It was pink but an alarm went off in my head. I went straight to the hospital and waited 5 hours for an ultra sound but no one was their to assist me. So I wound up waiting 5 hours for blood HCG results.

The doctor told me the levels should be doubling in the 1000s if my pregnancy was thriving. He confirmed my numbers were 530. I forgot to mention that in those 5 hours time my bleeding and cramps got heavy. Red blood and cramps bad enough that I had to take my pants off when I got to my room.

My husband and I cried and laughed in between those 5 hours. It was a weird bonding experience. I wasn't alone in this.

We knew what was happening but I had to go back the next day to confirm by ultra sound. "No gestational sac identified which could be a result in early or failed pregnancy". Read my results.

My Doctor believed I passed it but didn't rule out ectopic by the mass they found in my left ovary. They tested my blood again. My levels were 200. They were dropping :(

We had cried so much the night before we were just silent when the doctor mentioned my results.

I couldn't look at my husband properly for two days without wanting to cry. I was afraid my daughter would be too saddened. She kept asking why baby died. I didn't know what to say. I was afraid to look at myself in the mirror and see my veiny, red, puffy eyes.

While recovering from the miscarriage and my sickness I have been out of work all week. My bleeding has officially stopped and the cloud I've been walking in is fading. Just when I thought I was doing well it is still hard to face my day without encountering my sadness with this miscarriage. I cried today when I saw a positive pregnancy test on Glow. I cried because I should be pregnant right now. I want to be. But I'm not.

Have you ever experienced a miscarriage?

How did you deal with it? Did you ever feel yourself again?