My Boyfriend Ruined Our Lives...

Calista
This last week has been absolute hell. It all started two weeks ago, when someone wrote that they were going to shoot up the school last Wednesday. Wednesday came and luckily nobody got shot but the police were still looking for the person who wrote it. The week went on as a normal week does.
Around came Monday and I was walking to our place when his ex, and my good friend, came up to me, clearly upset. She told me to go talk to my boyfriends brother, that something had happened with my brother. So I went to his brother, and his brother told me that he had decided to enlist without a word. He said his brother wasn't coming back to school and he didn't want to tell us himself because he didn't want to see us upset. He pulled out his wallet and have me five $20 bills and told me that this was a parting gift. I wanted to say no because he had already bought me a $150 necklace and a $54 eyeshadow palette, but he insisted that I keep it. I walked away and cried. I loved him and I couldn't believe that he left me like that, especially after all we had been through--I bet you know what's coming by now, but I will proceed--the first time anyone had told me different than his brother was after school that day, when a close friend of mine said that they were sure that the navy didn't just do that, and that he also got pulled out of classes that friday. I told her that it still might be true, but she didn't buy into it and said she'd investigate and try to find out more for me.
Then Tuesday happened, and it was your average Tuesday, until the end of third period when people said they heard they caught the person who started it all. I was excited to see what nutjob had done it, they said the news channels would put who did it within the next 20 minutes. 
I was walking to my last class of the day when the same person, his ex/my friend, came up to me and asked me if I knew. I said knew about what, and she wrapped me up in a big hug and started crying. She said that what she was about to tell me was going to ruin my day but she'd rather me found out through her than through the hallway talk. She pulled out her phone and showed me my boyfriends picture pasted on to a news report. He wrote on the wall. He started it all. As far as I know to this day he has two felonies. 
I dropped my backpack and ran, crying all the way to my councilors office. He lied to me, his brother lied to me, he put me in danger, and everyone knew he was my boyfriend. I walked into the councilors office hysterical, I couldn't stop asking why or how or what now. We talked and eventually I went back to class. Luckily for me my class was a labor intensive workout class. When the class was over, I left and rushed to the bus. The brother was gone, and nobody knows what happened to him. On the bus I started crying again because people were talking about him, of course, saying he actually did bring a gun to school. My first thought was "what if I was there? What if it was my fault he wrote it? What if he wanted to kill me?" I got home and I was alone. I screamed. I screamed and didn't stop. Why would he do this to us? Please help me, please. I don't know what to do, how do I move on from this? How do I get these destructive thoughts of self harm and death out of my head, how do I rid myself of these doubts, and how do I stop loving someone who wanted to hurt me and everyone I loved?
https://www.google.com/amp/s/patch.com/texas/cedar-park/amp/26736150/leander-teen-arrested-for-threats-of-violence-against-rouse-high-school-via-graffiti?client=safari

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