open minded to gender fluidity/ sexuality for new baby?

Question

Ok this will sound strange and lengthy at first but try to stick with me.

I have a friend who has been making me upset whenever he comments about my daughter. He has a very free mind and wants to normalize sexuality, transgender, gender fluidity and everything along those lines. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see it normalized too but he seems to be trying to push his open mind onto me and my unborn child. He will "preach", if you will, that my daughter might be a lesbian when she grows up or she might want to dress as a girl one day and a boy the next and it'll be great because (in his words) "she or he should be happy with who she or he is." And I have to accept it because she's my child. Now whether this topic upsets people or not, that's not the issue. If I raise my daughter and 20 years down the road she comes out as lesbian or transgender or whatever, will that be hard to accept/ get used to? Depending on the years leading up to that point, yes it could but she is my child and if she eventually identifies as a boy, that's fine. My problem is I get upset because even though my friend knows I also have an open mind about this issue, he still pressures me to reassure him that I won't reject my child. He also doesn't think I should address her gender until she's old enough to choose what she wants to be. Scientifically speaking, my child is a female.  does anyone else have a friend like this or am I the only one? Am I ok to be upset? I've never had this discussion with him or anyone else before and now it's all the time!

Answer

There's nothing we can do that will impact our child's gender identity or sexuality or cause any confusion, so just remind him that you're going to love this baby regardless of anything and will, as a previous person said, cross this bridge when you come to it. He's your friend, so ask him to trust you.

Answer

I think I would just be really annoyed. And I would put my foot down and be open with him about it because he's talking about YOUR child. Not his. If he has his own he can do whatever he wants, but this is basically telling you how you should parent. While I'm all for sharing your opinions, I hate when people push them on you! I think I would say something like, "I totally understand what you're saying and agree to an extent, and of course value your thoughts and feelings.... But honestly, teaching my kid gender fluidity and anything of that nature is not the biggest priority when it comes to parenting my child. There are A LOT of other issues that come with parenting a child." I mean the child isn't even born yet, so I don't trying you should feel the need to explain your parenting choices to anyone!

Answer

Rather than simply sharing his opinion, it sounds like he is pushing his agenda on you, which isn't fair to you. Yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but how you raise your child is none of his business, period.

As a new mom, you'll definitely have enough to worry about without having to think about gender fluidity from the time your sweet girl's gets here! That conversation can come (by YOUR choice) when she's at an age to understand what it means.

My husband and I have talked about how we would feel if any of our kids identified with a different gender. And while honestly it would be difficult for both of us, the unconditional love for our babies would not change at all. But since scientifically our babies are born with genetically predefined sex organs, that is how we will raise them. Vagina = girl, penis = boy. I feel like raising them with the ability to "choose" from such a young age can cause so much confusion for them. Obviously, everyone parents differently though. Just thought I'd share our take on it.

Answer

I'd be annoyed as hell and tell him to keep his opinion to himself. You'll cross that bridge when you get there. I'm an open minded individual myself, but if anyone tries to shove anything down my throat on how I should raise my child, they will get an earful. You don't owe anyone an explanation on that topic, your baby hasn't even been born, let alone, how you'll deal with approaching those topics as they come about.

Answer

Although I'm sure he means well he is doing the same thing that he's trying to avoid. He's creating a path for the kid that they need to find/identify for themselves. I'd just let him know that until they arrive and are able to navigate that for themselves you are going to do the best you can to help them understand the world we live in. When they begin to express their own ideas on gender and (later) sexuality that you will love them and allow  them to find their path. Anything you do make that path for them before they do would/could be assumptive and confusing.

I don't want people to gender assign for our kid before they are born which is why we aren't telling anyone boy/girl, but once they are here I can't tell other people how to live their life or share their love for our kid.

All I can do is teach them love and acceptance and let them see through my actions that every person is different and that is more than is okay, it's beautiful. Not just about gender/sexism identity, but all differences. Then, when they start to identify who they are they don't feel like they are "choosing" something that isn't "normal".  I will still have to teach them that not everyone in the world understand their path. You don't have to do anything different to set a good example and a safe loving home environment.

open minded to gender fluidity/ sexuality for new baby?

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