family visiting after the birth?

Question

Is anybody else going through having to decide on this? My husband is in the Navy and just got back from deployment a month ago. I am due December 8th and it is close to the holidays especially if I go over my due date. We have never had an argument and are so good at compromising but this topic is tough. My parents are 4 hours away and i figured they could come down to visit for a weekend after the birth. My husbands parents live in Mississippi which my MIL usually refuses to fly so I didn't think it would be an issue of them visiting or have to worry about it. But now my FIL is asking about coming to visit. I told my husband I would honestly rather not have visitors till after I am out of the hospital or till after the holidays. I feel so selfish but I just want the time together of us with the baby, especially since my husband goes back out to sea in January. I'm not excited for my MIL to visit and voice her opinion on what we should or shouldn't do with our child or how I should breastfeed. I am really starting to dread Christmas this year already.

Answer

If your parents come to visit then it is a reasonable compromise that his parents should come to visit too. Unfortunately you will get lots of unwanted advice from many people. Just learn to smile real big😉😉😉

Answer

*This is long, but I hope you can use my story to help make your decision easier on you.*

My husband is no longer in service, so that isn't an issue for us. BUT! My mother can be suffocating. This will be her 13th grandchild, and possibly her last. I have a 17 yr old daughter who my mom practically stole, and did eventually end up adopting. It has been a point of contention between us ever since.

I also have a 14 yr old daughter who I've raised on my own as her father passed. My current husband and I thought we were unable to have a child, so this baby is a blessing! Plus, a boy! He will be my husband's only child, and my last, as I'm getting my tubes tied with my section.

My mother has been posting loads of things on being a parent and grandparent on Facebook since I got pregnant. She's wanting to be there when he's born, even though she's not been there for most of her grandkids. I informed her that I didn't want anyone at the hospital at ALL (aside from my daughters and husband) and her reply was "That's awful harsh."

I'm gonna tell you, even worn those tears in her eyes I had no problem standing my ground. When I was younger I would've caved! Now that I'm pushing 40, after our history, and realizing that this time is for MY family (myself, husband and kids), it's been amazingly easy and weight off my shoulders. I can finally have the time I'd always wanted with my new baby, but felt like I couldn't have. I can finally not feel like there's a vulture in the room.  I'm free!

Basically, you are birthing YOUR child, not theirs. Yes, everyone is excited, but nobody seems to understand that unless they're truly desired for assistance, they just TAKE AWAY from your very special moment! My advice is you take your time. Adjust. Breathe in that baby and give yourself a break. There are no hard and fast rules here! You do what feels right to you. I promise you, they will get over any butthurt they might feel the first time they hold that baby!

Answer

Me and my husband had the same problem so we decided to tell both our families that they have to wait until we are home from the hospital to come visit. The holidays is rather hard because I'm sure both sets of grandparents would want to see their new grandbaby.

Answer

My husband and I just had the same discussion. At first he wanted his mom there through the labor and birth but after I talked to him about how important it is to me to establish breast feeding and getting to know our baby while we have the full support of nurses, he understood and we're going to ask for no visits until we're settled back home. My mom passed away 5 years ago so doing this without her is going to be hard enough I don't want my MIL in my face immediately after giving birth.

Answer

My sister had 3 kids while her husband was in the navy. We always came after the birth and after he went back out to help her. It may be better to ask them to help you when you don't have your hubby with the baby.

Answer

I can relate to you. My husband is deployed and will only have a week to spend with baby and me. We both agreed that no one will come visit me while in the hospital the only one that will be there will be my mother because my husband will not be able to make it to the birth and I don't want to be alone while giving birth. Once settled in at home I think a weekend with people to visit will be okay but not to stay in the house because it's a personal time for bonding for mother and father with baby.

Answer

I deal with unwanted "suggestions" as my MIL calls them all the time. She means well but it gets old. Learn to be listen to your own motherly instincts & roll with it. If they have an opinion say thanks but I got it or we got it. If they can't take that as an answer then kindly say I am really trying my best I'm a first time mommy I'm learning as you had to at one point. So let me be please thanks.

Answer

I'm also a Navy wife and can totally relate and understand.. if I had my hubby home for a short time with a new baby, I would also want that time to ourselves. I think I would just ask to pick one weekend that they all can visit at once.. it may be a stressful weekend! But at least it'll be done and over with. I would just say, we're really only free this weekend for visitors because of hubby's schedule (so he may have to lie a little bit).

Answer

So your parents can visit, but his can't? Am I reading that correctly? 
That is as much his baby as it is yours..why is it ok for your family to see the baby but not his? That is so not ok.

family visiting after the birth?

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