given up

My lovely boyfriend has taken me to a spa holiday for two nights well we went to have a massage as neither of us have ever had one and just because of my pathetic life and body I can't have one! 28 operations I've had in my life just because some bitch fucked my kidney up in an endo op! They say because I've had an operation within a year I can't have one! So upset that even this I can't do! Why me? Everything I've been through the last 6 years and it's still messing my life around! Sorry about the rant ladies but I just feel so useless and stupid! Since I moved in my my so none of my family want to talk to me I work stupid hours to try and pay off bills because I've been so ill and I know I need another op very soon. Why is my life of shit? Why can't I do the smallest of things? Can't have a massage but I spend every day heavy lifting as I'm a farmer and I look after old people who have less medical issues than I do! 😭😢💔👎🏻💩😪