Am I wrong???

Question

Long story short...I've been in my "step" children's lives for a long time. Their "mom" has been in and out of their lives for the past 5 years due to a drug problem. She went to jail and started seeing them again last June. My husband talked to his ex about starting to see the kids 50% of the time this coming June. I got upset because I am with our kids 90% of the time. She sees them 2 days a week, 5 hours at a time.  Am I over reacting being upset that he made this decision without me? These boys mean the world to me and I've watched their "mother" rip their hearts out when she would flake and not follow through. I feel this should have been a conversation we had together and decision we made as a team.

Answer

I agree with you. You are their parent also, so you should absolutely be involved in any decision making.

Answer

Your feelings are perfectly normal and acceptable, however she is their mom and no matter how many times she screws up, if the kids want to be in her life then that's what should happen. As long as they are safe that is.

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I am in a very similar situation with my SO, his son and his ex. It is very hard. You are there 100% for the babies that aren't even your blood and you watch as the birth mother toys around with their feelings in and out of their life and you have no idea how she could do that to her own baby. It's heart breaking!! You are 100% in the right to be upset and I really think you should talk to your SO about it.

Answer

Coming from someone who is in a similar situation.. I answered yes but it can still go both ways. I have 3 step kids, the younger 2 I've raised since birth. I am their mother in every way but creating and carrying them for 9 months. Their mother although she is not a drug addict or alcoholic is very irresponsible and immature. She also has 4 other kids besides my stepkids. She doesn't see my kids. Maybe once a week if that but my children know they have daddy and mommy. If the kids wanted to go there and I wasn't okay with it, my husband wouldn't send them (in my case the mother wouldn't care either way) but kids need a good relationship with their mother whether the adults like it or not. I don't like my kids mom because of how she lives her life and does NOTHING for my kids but they will never know that until their older. Talk about with your SO.

Answer

What is a 'long time'? The vagueness of your timeline keeps me from offering support for your argument. They are not your biological children and I strongly support birth parents being as involved in their kids life as possible. I am not belittling your feelings or doubting you want the best for them but in the end, they are the parents and you are his wife. It's ultimately up to them and a court to decide.

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I would feel the same way as you.

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It sounds like you are a very good Mother to them. I think he should have talked to you about it.

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I don't believe you are overreacting. Coming from divorced parents I was blessed with a stepdad who took care of me as his own. My dad was gone a lot of the time due to work and I have an amazing bond with my stepdad. My mom and stepdad made every huge decision together and I think not discussing that with you since you are also their mother is not ok. I would make sure to remind him it's yalls children. And yall all should have a say in what happens

Answer

He should have talked to you. But if u love those boys truly you would want their mother to be in their lives. Sit down and talk to him and tell him wat u think. But remember he is their father and you do have to respect his decision even if he doesn't consult you.

Answer

You have every right to feel the way you do. My SO's ex is never consistent on her days with the kids. She gives them up on her weekends almost like it's no big deal. She's a parent at convenience, and she could care less how the kids feel about her doing that. Stresses my SO out that his kids mom isn't there when they almost need her.

Am I wrong???

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