I feel like a terrible mother :(

After the doctors told me I would be unable to concieve, I grieved for a very long time. My boyfriend (the love of my life and Hero) thought  it would be a good idea, with such low chances to concieve, to get off contraception. Although, I'm young, the doctor convinced me that trying at a young age could help my chances to concieve naturally. It took about a year, and when I found out I was pregnant, I'd already came to terms with the idea of not being able to concieve my own child. Of course, I was happy. I was actually so excited, but my boyfriend wasn't. (Our relationship took a turn for the worse, and the timing was bad). For months, I didn't talk about my pregnancy to the love of my life, nor did he bring it up. I'm not aloud to allow my clients to know I'm pregnant either. I felt miserable and lonely, only sharing the news about my baby with myself. I layed in bed sick at times, scared to mention it to him. At 4-5 months pregnant, he came to terms with the pregnancy and the idea. He tried bringing our child up, thinking about names, and buying her everything she would need. But now, I can't come to terms with it. I feel her kicking, and I feel so disconnected. I'm in shock and I feel like I can't raise my own child, I cried over for months. My child I wished and prayed for! I feel like such a terrible mother. I've tried talking to people about how I'm feeling but no one will listen. I'd never do anything to harm her but I wish I was happier about my pregnancy.