My relationship abuse story. 💔

I wanted to share my story about my last relationship. We were together for 4+ years. This is extremely long, but I appreciate all those who reads it. 

Just about 5 months months ago I endured a heartbreak I thought I wouldn't ever have to experience. I thought our relationship was perfect and forever, but I was so blind to the ugly truth that he was no good for me. He became abusive about 3 months into our relationship. I remember I accidentally dropped something on him while he was lying down. He reacted by hitting me in the face. I was shocked of course but made excuses for his actions like I always did. "He didn't mean it." "It won't happen again." "He promised to get help." It happened again. More often. It was more emotional abuse then physical, but it's just as destructive. He would put me down all the time and blame me for everything. I always apologized and took all the blame. People used to tell me how they wished they had a relationship like ours. It made me cringe when they said it because they didn't know what happened behind closed doors. They didn't know how he made me question my own self worth and how I flinched every time he raised his hand. Every time I got paid he took every dime because he said he could handle money better than me. I had to ask for anything I wanted or needed. We only listened to his music in the car. He kicked me out and we fought so many times, but he always begged for forgiveness and I always forgave him. I  I lost myself trying to fix him. In the end I couldn't. I loved him despite everything. He started ignoring me and being gone most of the time. He confronted me and told me that he never loved me and doesn't know why he stayed. He told me he was moving in with Polly. (She was a mutual friend of ours) He swore he wasn't cheating but he was at her house the next day. I was so devastated. I started drinking and isolating myself from everyone. After about a week I decided enough was enough. I started going out and meeting people. I started spending all my free time with this guy I had become friends with. We became close and I started falling for him and that scared me. I've never been so scared in my life. I began to notice how different he was then my ex. He was interested in knowing my favorite color, my hobbies, and what music I enjoyed. He was patient and understanding. One night he parked in his favorite spot and we talked for hours about everything. I just looked at him and kissed him. I was scared to be with someone else because of the damage my ex had done to me, but he assured me that he would wait for me when I thought I was ready. I thought about it for awhile and decided that I deserve to be happy and he made me happy. At first it was hard because I was and I am still healing from my abuse but everyday gets easier. 3 months later and everything's been great. It's so wonderful to be with someone who truly appreciates me and doesn't make me question my worth. I've never been happier. All I wish for my ex is that he doesn't treat anyone else the way he treated me. Ladies please don't stay in a toxic relationship because you think you can fix him, because you can't. You are of worth and deserve better. Know the signs of abuse and don't ignore them, please. 

💖