I need opinions on if I sound unreasonable? kinda long

Question

I've been with my bf for over 3 years now. Didn't have our first fight until about 8 months in. I'm 19, he's 20. We love eachother very much but we have big fights sometimes and that's what happened last night. He almost broke up with me because he hates that I get so upset and sometimes I raise my voice - he hasn't even told me he doesn't like that and I knew he didn't like something I wanted him to tell me what he didn't like so I could change because our fights went nowhere so that hurt- I promised to never raise my voice at him again and we talked about everything. I have horrible anxiety so sometimes I get freaked out of course I started crying uncontrollably. Anyway, a couple weeks before he thought I looked at these 2 guys sexually and that's not at all what happened and really the first time he's ever said anything like that and he left then came back and told me he cares about me but he doesn't know how he feels. He loves me though and after that almost break up I felt so insecure and expressed that. He used to always write me cute letters voulentarily and now he never really does sweet things for me. I asked him if he could give me some reassurance by writing me like a little note or maybe picking me a flower on the way back from work but he said he doesn't have the time to do any of that in a snappy tone. Everything else I asked after that he shrugged while closing his eyes and facing away from me because it was late. He apologized this morning.. I was upset still. Am I overreacting ? Is that reassurance too much to ask for?

Answer

You guys need to learn to fight better. Been with my guy 4 years. We never fight. We talk calmly. We don't even raise our voices. The minute you do they stop listening or you catch an attitude. We don't try and control each other. We trust each other. If he wants to go to a strip club i say have fun. Or I've gone with him in the past and his friends. No biggie. He wants to watch porn. No issue. I do it too. We both have friends of the opposite sex. He say hey I'm gonna hang out with sara after work I say tell her I said hi. If I catch him checking out another girl. I laugh and say hey check out the rack on her. He knows he's caught and knocks it off. No need to fight or embarrass him. We do the I feel we method. That's what I calm it. No door slamming. No one leaves. No name calling. No bringing up the past. No comparison to others. No blame. Everyone goes through rough patches. I always answer him yes my love. We appreciate every effort. From thank you for dinner to thank you for opening my door. It was really thoughtful of you that you remembered _. Maybe try baby I feel be are drifting apart. I feel we need to make more of an effort to appreciate each other more. I feel we need to make more of an effort to emotionally connect and talk. I feel we need to have at least 1 date night per week. To talk about our day etc. Have a nice dinner or do something fun. 4 years and we are still in the honeymoon phase And can't keep our hands off each other. We are best friends. We didn't make sex a priority from the beginning. We dated. We got to know each other well. He had to prove to me he was worthy of me. I made him wait a year and a half for sex. And he pursued me 6 months before that. What 23 year old waits 2 years for sex. Not many. He makes every effort because they are appreciated. And he is supported in everything. I'm 38 he's 27. It works for us.

Answer

You arent over reacting, in my opinion. Sometimes a girl needs a little reassurance as do guys. And think are you acting the same now with him as you did on the beginning? If not, then take initiative and do little things you used to. He may be in the same boat and just doesnt express it (cuz he is a guy). I mean he got jealous of two men you just looked at. He may need some reassurance himself. Good luck girlie :).

Answer

Well the love letters and stuff isn't going to last forever. I felt the same with my boyfriend and talked to him about it. A handful of crying and thinking he didn't love me and I mean really love me anymore. In the end I had to remember he has a lot of pressure from work and family so some times he's just really overwhelmed and inexperienced. He also started doing little things on his effort meaning we communicated and listened and things got better.

I suggest taking a peek at what he has to deal with right now. Could work or family be putting extra stress on him right now?

In terms of myself, I cried and let all that out and he sat there and looked at his phone waiting for me to finish and it just made me more angry but in the end I considered other factors and felt relieved and got a kiss which is all I needed. Felt like a volcano blowing off steam I guess.

I need opinions on if I sound unreasonable? kinda long

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