heart broken

I'm not lonely but I'm alone a lot and it bores me.... I try to call my ex but he absolutely hates me..... so I stop calling for weeks and start seeing other guys, cause everyone says once you meet someone else you'll be fine..... I'm not dating a lot but the guys that I hate dated aren't for me. My ex was my muse and friend and lover. I'm heart broken and it's not because I don't feel like I'll find someone else. I'm heart broken because it's over and even if I find some else they won't be him, they won't make me feel the way he did..... I admire him and love and respect him so much. And not talking fucks with me... my heart and head hurts and I seriously believe I'll die of a broken heart.. I don't know how much more I can take...