I am so guilty

     But the anger lasted only a moment. I started getting excited, and by the time my first appointment rolled around, I would have been ecstatic. It's been three weeks of problems, and getting minimal answers. Today, we pretty much confirmed that this pregnancy is a blighted ovum. 

      My doctor is giving it one more week, but there's very little hope for this pregnancy. I got my first positive on December 3rd. I should be 7-8 weeks pregnant, but the sac is only measuring 4 weeks 6 days. I knew after my appointment last week that this would be the results. I'm so heartbroken. I prepared myself for the worst today, but I still can't stop sobbing. 

      It bothers me to know that people assume there was nothing to be sad about in a blighted ovum because there wasn't technically a baby. I was still pregnant, am still pregnant. I still get morning sickness. I still feel like I'm pregnant, and I have to live with the knowledge that I won't ever get to hold the baby that is causing the side effects. I know I'll get past this. I know that I'm healthy, and that I'll be able to get pregnant again. I even know that this experience is nothing compared to some women. My god, I didn't lose a baby at halfway through the pregnancy, or had a stillbirth at term. But this experience is mine, and right now, I'm just trying to find a way to deal with today. I'm so sorry to all you momma dealing with loss.