Confused.

I'm a mother of 2 boys 8 and 5 from my previous relationship that was along 10 years of abuse. I started dating my guy (well not my guy anymore) before I met my son's father broke up...then we rekindled after I separated from my son's father. So far 2 years together.... he wanted a child of our own so Xmas we decided to make one. Well we did and now I'm pregnant. I broke the news to him today and he looked at my like I was crazy. As if we didn't make this baby on purpose. He wants me to abort because it's "not the right time for another child" . He sent me a text saying he is going to disappear from my life because he was holding me back blah blah blah.... im so confused. I'm 30 not 16 and I have a career. I shared with my friend about the situation and she said it would be selfish of me to keep the baby since I know the father doesn't want to be involved. And I'm being selfish because I want to raise the baby alone (mind u, I raised 2 kids alone already) I'm also scared( well not scared I just don't want to hear ) the judgement from my family, like here we go again, pregnant with no daddy around again... am I selfish for wanting to keep it? She says I gotta think about my family dynamic already and how it would effect my time and how I am able to raise my other two. I'm so confused. If I abort, I just go along with my life and raise my two boys alone ... if I abort I will tie my tubes right after. I can't abort this one and then continue with another pregnancy because the "situation changed" (that's IF I allow myself to get pregnant again)

When I got pregnant with my second. My ex wanted me to abort and I wanted to keep. But I found my self at the clinic alone but... long story short I didn't go through with it and now I have my youngest who is everything to me. I wouldn't want to picture life with out him and I still feel guilty for even considering and being at the clinic. I'm so confused and I don't know what to do. Any kind words will help me right now. 😔