I just can't do this!!

I come to this app to vent because there is no one else I can talk to.. I had my son 1 month ago yesterday and I have been battling PPD and PPA since he was born.. I haven't been to the doctor about it because I don't want to judged and I thought I could handle it on my own but it seems like as the days go by it only gets worse.. I constantly feel anxious about what I need to do or how I can do things better I dread night time because my son doesn't sleep well, I can't eat. I can't sleep. I feel guilty. I feel like a terrible mom. I catch myself feeling that he deserves so much better than me. I constantly cry for no real reason. I'm all the time feeling worried over nothing. I can't control the overwhelming feeling that I'm not cut out to be a mother. I LOVE MY SON! I have never thought about hurting him or myself but I feel every emotion except happy. There is no joy in me about my baby boy.. I absolutely hate to admit it. But it's time I came to terms with this.. Obviously I'm not handling it by myself.. I guess I will be making an appointment soon..