Need to Vent. Advice appreciated or just chat/thoughts etc

My husband and I have been married 1 year 8 months. We have a 9 month old daughter. We are both 20 (almost 21)

We've been having so many issues lately. He has talked to many other women and says he's naturally polyamorous. So we decided to try polyamoury/ an open relationship. He got a girlfriend and I met up with a dude and had sex with him.

Now my husband can barely look at me. He's angry. He's anxious. He's uncomfortable around me. When it was him who couldn't be monogamous. He broke up with his GF but misses her a lot but thinks it's unfair to me to be with someone else if he's too jealous to let me be with someone else.

Since I slept with this other guy, my husband has been meaner and more aggressive to me. Last night he choked me when our daughter woke him up and almost hit me in the face but doesn't remember any of it. He woke up BC the baby was crying and then we got into a fight and he did all of that.

During the day we get along, he just gets bothered every once in awhile.

My husband feels like his life is spiraling out of control. Whenever he had an anxiety attack the other day he broke a hole in our shower and punched a metal bar until it broke in half.

I myself am an emotional wreck. I am bipolar and was abused most of my life physically and mentally by my parents and brother

I just want my family happy. We try so hard but can't do it :(

We want to go on dates and spend time but our baby girl doesn't have anywhere or anyone to watch her so we can't. We live thousands of miles from our families.

We want to see a therapist, but can't because we have nobody to watch our daughter. We would go to a military family therapist, but they could take away his ability to use guns (he's infantry) if they sense any kind of high stress.

Idk what to do :(

He says he wants to emotionally check out but loves me and our daughter too much. He wants to be there for our little one. He says I never do what he asks and don't keep our house clean but when you're overwhelmed, overstressed, and depressed it's hard to get anything accomplished :/