Adoption? 8 months pregnant & thinking about adoption

Question

8 months and thinking about adoption

All advice and opinions will be taken to heart and I appreciate all your replies. Posting anonymous for now, bc I'm too scared too have someone I know personally,  see the post. 
So,  I'm due next month. April 16th. 
We have a 13 yr old and 10 yr old twins. I got pregnant when my IUD slipped out of place. 
I could never have an abortion. (But I am pro choice) 
The whole pregnancy has been a roller coaster.  It's high risk, I'm now on bed rest and I take weekly progesterone injections for preterm labor. 
Lately I been thinking about adoption. Something I was always against. (For me personally)  bc I felt if I had a child it was MY responsibly to care for it. Not someone else.  And you could never know EVERYTHING about the adoptive parents you choose. 
EXCEPT,  after looking online I found a profile that touched my heart.  A set of parents that have 1 biological son. 
ANYHOW.....  I've told NOBODY about my thoughts on adoption. (Just the Adoption agency)
Our families have been excited and been buying Baby things since we told them. 
Our kids are excited. 
But me? Idk.  I'm scared,  nervous,  overwhelmed... 
I thought these feelings would subside way before now 
They're only getting worse,  as his due date approaches.  
My husband has bought everything we will need for baby. My mom has bought so much as well. 
How would my husband feel about adoption? 
In the past he's always said it's not something he could personally do.  
But I'm serious about this. 
Idk how to even bring this up to my husband.  I don't know how it'll affect our children. 
How it'll affect our family.

I'm just scared....  I'm running out of time. But it wasn't something that I was sure about I until just recently. 
I don't think it's my hormones or emotions. I just feel like a horrible person for saying, I'm 8 months pregnant and looking into adoption.  
I just wish I could sort out all my feelings.  😒😩😭😭

Answer

A friend of mine told me not to make any huge life decisions while in third trimester or within 9 months of giving birth because at least for her, her hormones made it impossible to be totally rational. I have tried to put everything I think through a checklist: is this rational? Is this LIKE me? Is this the first time I've ever thought this? Some of these answers help me realize when I'm being hormonal/depressed.

I would ask you to make a list of specific things you're afraid of or thinking of when it seems like adoption is a good idea. What are the specific hardships you're trying to avoid? What are your fears? Then make a list of all the reasons it would be hard or negative to give the baby up.

Armed with this list, can you have a conversation with your husband? What is his take on your thoughts? Does it kind of make sense to him? Or does it seem very out of character/ out of nowhere? Trust your partner to help you figure out what on your list is reasonable and what seems farfeteched or unrealistic. Trust him if he tells you you're not seeming yourself - it can be so hard to keep a grip on who we are in this crazy process. There are counselors who specialize in talking to pregnant women and medical professionals who can prescribe to pregnant women if needed for pre-partum depression.

On the other hand your list might be reasonable and your fears are justified. Maybe you two can reach an agreement or understanding, maybe the solution isn't even adoption but saving money for some childcare help. Either way you and your partner should talk.

I hope that whatever happens, you're happy in the end because you deserve it !

Answer

Your whole family needs to see a counselor to discuss this. It is your body, but it impacts the whole family, not just you. This could have huge consequences psychologically for your kids because they are old enough to know what is going on, and for your husband who is mentally prepared for having a baby.

Answer

Yess deff be open with your husband about what your thinking... if you truly want to give the baby up for adoption that's a amazing sacrifice on your part,,and so beautiful you would give the life of a baby to a family that have difficulties of conceiving.
But you have to know what you want before your time is up,,which really I think at any time in a childs life you could give them up for adoption in not 100% certain,,but you can never be to late to change your mind. I would talk to your husband and possibly arrange a meeting with the adoptive parents.

Is there a specific reason why now you want to give the baby up for adoption? Or do you just not want to have a baby at this time did u not want anymore kids? Your kids are old enough for you to tell them the truth "mommy gave this baby to a mommy and daddy who can't have babies on their own so you helped them" 
What would you do with all the baby stuff you guys have? Give it to the adoptive parents?

When I gave difficult choices I always make a list of pros and cons of whatever situation it may be.. make a list and weigh out your options♡

Answer

You need to talk to your family. Your probably just scared. But you can't go through with adoption without his consent. And it isn't fair to your husband and family. Hang in there

Answer

You definitely need to talk to your husband bring him into a counselors office for a chat if your afraid to do it on your own. That way he knows your serious.

Answer

Yess deff be open with your husband about what your thinking... if you truly want to give the baby up for adoption that's a amazing sacrifice on your part,,and so beautiful you would give the life of a baby to a family that have difficulties of conceiving.
But you have to know what you want before your time is up,,which really I think at any time in a childs life you could give them up for adoption in not 100% certain,,but you can never be to late to change your mind. I would talk to your husband and possibly arrange a meeting with the adoptive parents.

Is there a specific reason why now you want to give the baby up for adoption? Or do you just not want to have a baby at this time did u not want anymore kids? Your kids are old enough for you to tell them the truth "mommy gave this baby to a mommy and daddy who can't have babies on their own so you helped them" 
What would you do with all the baby stuff you guys have? Give it to the adoptive parents?

When I gave difficult choices I always make a list of pros and cons of whatever situation it may be.. make a list and weigh out your options♡

Answer

Hugs. I know and understand, there's some great advice here. I hope you find the solution for a peaceful heart/soul. Hugs

Answer

I did an open adoption twice. First pregnancy i was 17 and i wanted to keep her so bad and to be a mom but i was pressured into looking into adoption by my exs parents. Now i am so happy they did. I contacted an agency and sat there with my now ex and they explained how it worked. That there are scrapbooks of families that families make for birth parents to look at. You pretty much go through them and pick out the ones that stand out to you. You get to meet as many as you want or continue to meet with the same ones. For myself just looking into open adoption they showed me this one scrapbook of this one family where the mom looked like me and the dad looks like my ex and just looking at their scrapbook gave me chills it was something about this family that I knew that they had that I didn't have growing up and it wasn't materialistic wise it was family-wise so that same day I decided to meet with this family at a Texas Roadhouse and we all got along so well it was crazy how it worked out and from there on we just started hanging out all the time throughout my pregnancy. And the agency told us that we have up to 48 hours after giving birth to change our minds so I ended up going through with it because I knew in the end it would be better for my child and my situation especially growing up in the situation that I was in. So me and the family we'd always hang out we go to family cookouts and soccer games and we just grew this amazing relationship then when the time came to have the baby we were in the hospital and you don't leave the hospital with the baby unless you decide to change your mind. They were so excited and so happy to finally have a baby that I almost couldn't say no so in my mind I wait out the pros and the cons of doing the open adoption as much as in my mind I did not want to do it I knew that her life would be so much better in their hands. I told them that one thing that I really really wanted was to be able to still be a part of her life

Adoption? 8 months pregnant & thinking about adoption

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