Regret

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with my third and my husband's fifth. We started trying last summer and that ended in a miscarriage. I really wanted to have one last baby. I had major baby fever and I was so excited to be pregnant again especially after a loss. Now, I'm regretting it and I feel like a horrible, horrible person. I have friends who struggle with fertility and here I am regretting my pregnancy. I used to coo over babies and now I am indifferent. I just feel so blah and overwhelmed. I've gotten so used to older kids who are pretty independent. I can do things and they can entertain themselves for the most part. I have some peace while they are at school. I can get things done like school or housework. I am content in this current situation. I love this baby. I do. I have reduced caffeine and cut out alcohol. I am excited for my first appointment though apprehension on making the announcement. Yet, I just don't feel the connection I did with my older two. Maybe it hormones. I've been feeling incredibly moody with this pregnancy. I am blessed to have a life growing in me. I will love this child. Why don't I feel as happy?