PPD? FTM Struggling emotionally

Question

Please don't judge me or leave insensitive comments.  I am ashamed of how I feel and hope to find encouragement that I'm not alone and that it will get better.

My beautiful baby boy is 5 weeks now and for the first few weeks I felt so attached to him and over the moon in love.  Gradually over the last few weeks I have progressively been feeling less and less attached.  It's so bad that sometimes I feel like I don't want him and don't want to be a mom.  I'm crying literally daily & almost all day because I feel guilty that I don't feel in love with him anymore and I'm afraid my sweet boy is going to grow up feeling unloved and unwanted.  This hits a particularly soft spot for me because I never felt loved or wanted by my mom and I was so afraid I was going to be like her so I never wanted kids.  But when I married my sweet husband my heart changed, and last year we decided we were going to stop trying NOT to get pregnant but not necessarily actively try.  Less than a month later I was pregnant which was sooner than I expected, and now I feel like wth was I thinking? I didn't know what I was getting myself into.

He's not a particularly fussy baby but I feel like he requires non stop 24 hour attention and I hate feeling like this is my life now, I miss the freedom and rest we had before.  I would never hurt him and don't have thoughts of hurting him but when he doesn't sleep well at night or is crying and I can't figure out why is when I get frustrated and lose patience.  I do have moments where I feel the love again but only a few times a day.  I am super sleep deprived (like I seriously don't know how it's humanly possible to function on such little sleep) and I feel very insecure as a FTM and also super discouraged because I wasn't able to breastfeed like I wanted to and I feel like all these things contribute to how I'm feeling

I'm pretty sure this is PPD and I'm going to talk to my OB about it at my 6 week check next week but I just want support in the meantime.

Answer

It's ok to feel all that! We all do! It's brave to admit you need help! It is a hard road! My daughter is 27 months and I am still sleep deprived and honestly there were times when I wanted to give up and just had to step out of the room! It takes a lot to take the care of the baby 👶 it helps having someone to talk to! I was lucky and had a friend who had a baby at the same time so it was a blessing to be able to cry and let stuff out ! But also remember you just gave birth and your hormones are going nuts ! It takes time for your body to bounce back! Talk to your doc and there might be other support! Remember we have all been there and it is hard but worth it in the end! The most important thing is you love your son! Everything else can be helped

Answer

You are NOT alone! Talk to your husband too. With my second baby I had such bad PPD. I was all ready to talk to my doctor at my 6 week appointment and the doctor had no time for me. I cried because it felt like I needed that help and it wasn't there. Hugs, you can and will feel yourself again! Your baby won't remember this time

Answer

I felt like that during the first month ( he is 10 weeks now) and I thought I had PPD too.  While I can't say if you have it or not, I strongly believe it is from sleep deprivation. I cried every day and felt panic that I made a mistake by wanting kids. I missed my old life and time to myself. The thought that being a mom is forever and that I'd never get a break would overwhelm me.  I still have plenty of days of crying and wanting to run away, but each day gets better.  Your baby is still so young and needs you 24/7, which is draining!  Do you have someone who can come over so you can sleep for a bit? My parents sleep over twice a week so I can get a normal nights rest.  The other nights are hard but I can get through them knowing I have a night off coming up.  After I get at least a few hours of sleep, I am much less emotional. I feel exactly like you do when I'm sleep deprived and I think it's normal for new moms. Newborns take and take and don't give anything back, and it is so damn hard! Be kind to yourself and give it time ❤

Answer

I'm a first time mom and my baby turns 6 weeks tomorrow. If you want to talk and share with anyone feel free to reach out. I'm not feeling PPD but I don't have many friends who are married or have kids (I'm 25) and I think having someone to relate to can help. 
Hang in there and take advantage of these support groups :)

Answer

It sounds like possible lifestyle issues more than chemical depression. I had never even changed a diaper before I had my first son.  Having my son was of course a blessing but also a struggle for me because I felt like I sucked and wasn't sure I even liked being a mom.  Part of it was that I was such an independent person and then I felt 'stuck', the other issue was sleep deprivation. My husband kind of dismissed it, I kind of did too in a way, then one day I had an emotional breakdown,  it was so bad that my husband had to come home from work on a family emergency to care for our son. We then made some changes, he started doing 2 or 3 overnight shifts sleeping in the baby's room even though he worked so I could sleep and my stress  hormones could calm down a bit, that helped significantly. I also started scheduling some alone time activities, it can be a yoga class, bible study or book club,  just doing errands by yourself etc a couple times a week, that also helped a ton. There's that old saying that you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself,  so self care is part of being selfless. If you do things like this and don't feel improvement then it's likely become a chemical imbalance and medication will likely help. BTW I have 3 kids now,  my first was by far the hardest! I love being a mom now more than back then. It did bring up some feelings of resentment I had toward my own mother but also helped heal that resentment seeing me do things differently with my kids than she did me, it's rewarding, but counseling cab definitely help as well. Anyway you're not alone!

Answer

Yes talk with your doctor. You most definitely are not alone. In the beginning I felt like I hadn't had a baby I think it was the pain meds I had. It does get better. Try getting out at least for a walk
 Have your husband take him for 30 min to an hour.  Keep up the good work momma.

Answer

Hang in there hun. You probably do have PPD. And sleep derivation makes it worse. All the stuff you are feeling happens to lots of us. You won't be that way forever. Your not your mom, so don't worry about it. I had the same fears you do before I got meds for the PPD. You need to sleep. I go to bed when my husband gets home from work for about 4-5 hours. After that I just sleep with the baby and wake up with her every couple hours. Don't be ashamed. Your hormones are all over and your life just changed and your not getting sleep. Just the sleep issue alone is enough to push a person over the edge. You will get used to the life change once you get meds, sleep and the hormones start to mellow out. It took my meds 2.5 weeks to kick in. Before that I was a mess. Also some babies just cry and no one knows why. If you've done everything you can for the baby don't sweat it. They outgrow the random crying. And your not alone. Mine still does it from 5-11pm every single night. She's 7 weeks old. Ear plugs while you hold the baby help you stay sane. It's very hard to listen to a baby cry inconsolably for extended periods of time and you feel helpless.

Answer

He is a doll and you are very courageous to come forward and seek out hell and advice. That makes you the best mother in the world. Talk to your doctor. You can get help to get over this hump in your life and enjoy your beautiful family.

PPD? FTM Struggling emotionally

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