Sad Lately About C-Section

I labored for 14 hours without medication and was 5cm when I decided to go to labor and delivery because I couldn't handle the pain any more. Once there the epidural made my contractions farther apart and all of the interventions started. These were things I knew I should say no to but in the middle of labor it was hard to question the recommendations of my midwife. My baby's heart rate dropped dangerously low three times and after the third time they decided he was in distress and needed to be delivered. I never dilated past 6cm. 

Lately I've been thinking that if I had just been stronger I wouldn't have gotten the epidural and subsequently gotten pitocin which most likely contributed to his distress. I specifically get sad when I see pictures of moms giving birth on Instagram or listen to other people's birth stories and see them having this amazing first moment with their baby. Like this joyful, blissful, out of this world moment. I was trying so hard to stay calm and keep it together having this unexpected c-section I feel like I hardly reacted at all when the pulled him out. Then I was so drugged up in recovery holding him I don't remember everything. 

Not sure what I'm looking for...just feeling sad and wanted a place to write out how I've been feeling. Sorry for the long post.