Update:

I couldnt take my kids out because I don't have a licence nor a job to spend money. The only income I have is child support which is hardly anything.

Im in the process of job searching as well.

Ive talked to him about his kids being old enough to understand that this is the real world and that Im his wife. But they cry and put up an act and manipulate him into feeling that they are kids. I mean his daughter is a preteen already and he has caught her watching porno already. His son is smart as heck, he wasted $300 on his PlayStation because my husband put his card on there to open a profile. And that was our rent money.... his punishment - nothing. His mom said oh well.

I told him they are grown and he needs to stop babying them.

I fear this will ruin our marriage in the long run.

Getting rid of him is not an option.

Backstory:

My husbands kids (13 &12 yrs old) met me before their father and I got married, which I thought we hit it off. With his daughter at least. Now his son was so angry that his dad moved on and was thinking of marrying me. They live a whole state away (NY) we live in (PA).

Its hard for him to go and spend time with them because their mother doesnt want me around them, so she brainwashes them into thinking that Im the bad guy. (They divorced way before I even met him). So when they do want to spend time with him, he has to drive to NY to spend the whole entire day out there spending loads of money. (Because we all know NY is not cheap).

So recently we had a bad arguement because Im stuck home all the time with my kids and we never go out, never anything at all. He decided to drive to NY and take his kids to the wax museum and all the fun stuff. While im stuck at home once again.

Well he said I was selfish and ungrateful because I have him 24/7 and all his kids want is to be with him.

That really hurt me. I love his kids, i just think we all could have gone and experienced the fun together, but he doesnt understand.

Now yesterday he tells me that his kids are coming for spring break (1 week). Im ok with it, they are great kids. I cant complain. He then asked me "What are we doing about sleeping arangments" I said "my girls can sleep on the top bunk" and he says "ok and you can sleep on the bottom bunk". Its always like this when they come over. I always have to sleep on the floor or couch to accommodate his kids in my bed with their father. Its really stressful, and im so hurt. I dont know what I did for them to believe all the lies their mom says. Usually I let them sleep with him on the first night because they are "daddy's kids".

I know some of you are going to say im being childish, but I just want some respect as his wife. I want them to understand that Im in this for the long run and I love their dad and that im not here to take their place.

Now my husband has talked with them before but every time they go back with their mom it gets worst.

Help ladies!!!!

Dont say "communication is key" because we talked about it.

I even talked with my stepmom to see how she handled my sisters and I when she married my dad.

Im always nice to them and trying to engage in conversation, but doesnt work.