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Question

Found porn on my husbands phone today. I was going thru his pics trying to find some for fb, and there comes a porn video. He denies it. But says he doesn't know how often he watches. Before we got married I told him no more. It is not ok in my eyes. It's disrespectful and disgusting. He knows how I feel. He agreed he would stop. Well, I'm at witts end. I told him I hope this round of IUI fails because I'm absolutely disgusted. Since we argued, I have not spoken to him. I can't even look at him. I'm emotionally done.

Accepted Answer

Generally speaking, men (or women) who are "forbidden" from watching porn by their partner are more likely to hide it and lie about it when confronted. It's a very common practice to watch porn, and one that usually starts by the time people are teenagers, if not earlier, and therefore not an easy habit to break. If it doesn't directly affect your sex life, it's generally not a real issue or has any commentary on their level of satisfaction in a relationship. A vast majority of people (men and women) watch some kind of porn or read some type of erotica. To expect that your SO will just stop those habits is a tad unrealistic, especially if they are unable of seeing it in the same light as you.

Answer

I will be the odd one in the comments thus far. Porn is not a part of my marriage either. I feel it is the same as cheating and so does my husband. It gets old hearing people say it's natural and to get over it. Maybe you guys could seek counseling together. I dislike when people lie so that would cause even more of an issue since he is hiding it. If he is unwilling to stop, seek help or you guys can't come to an agreement on it, you'll have to decide what to do. I hope you guys are able to work things out.

Answer

Just because someone else is ok with porn doesn't mean they should be ok with it too. My husband used to have an addiction to that crap and never wanted to do anything with me. It has negative effects on some men and why does a married man need porn when he has a wife who could either do something with or for him or give him photos to use. It's NOT natural for a man who's married to her off watching another woman getting pounded.

Answer

People say it's a natural thing, it's a natural habit. No .. it's not. Studies show that porn can be so effective on a man that he can't have sex with his wife... there are also sex addicts out there as well who are struggling with not trying to watch porn.

It's not natural to me when I have a SO to sexually please me. If my SO is horny, he has me.. Why lust after women on the screen? It may not be physical cheating, but it sure as hell is mentally and emotionally.

You and your husband had an agreement.. the problem isn't you. You have every right to your feelings. Sorry you went through this, I hope this doesn't mess with how you view yourself.

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If him watching open isn't negatively effecting your sex life then I don't see why you would make such a big deal out of it to actually say that you hope your treatment doesn't work. That seems a bit ridiculous to me.

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I wouldn't be okay with it either. Men who are good men aren't gonna hide it because you tell them it's not okay either. And ignore the women who are saying it's natural and it's only porn not another woman. It's about how YOU feel, and in the end if he can't respect something that simple ? I wouldn't consider him the one. Once you are married I believe that shit should stop. It's only common sense. Good luck to you Hun💕 I'm totally on your side!

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Omg are you kidding me? It's porn not another woman! Get over it, he was probably horny and you weren't in the mood, so he self helped.

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My husband feels the same about my vibrator, but #sorrynotsorry! I love him and he completely fulfills my needs.. there's just something about DIY that gets me every time.

I wouldn't take it personally, and it doesn't make you any less or mean he loves you any less if he watches it. Actually, I think I even may have read somewhere that people with healthy sex lives are more likely to masterbate (and ergo use tools to that end).

Now, it WOULD freak me out if he was watching really weird, very specific porn.

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