How much help do you get as a SAHM?

Question

Our little one is just now 4 months old. Hubby and I had always planned on my staying home and we both love it. I don't feel like I'm doing a great job, I haven't gotten much done around the house because baby has been sick for a month and he's just a miserable monster 😭

Anyway, Hubby helps me as much as he can when he gets home so I can do other house stuff, and he helps me at night when I'm at my wits end.

Well the other day, Hubby made a comment about how tired he was from being up with the baby all night, and FIL said "why are you doing that, shouldn't Rachel be taking care of him at night?" This is the first comment his family has made kind of suggesting that I'm taking advantage of Hubby helping and I just feel so bad now. Hubs always says that's dumb and we're a team and he never minds helping, but I feel terrible! I try my best to do everything myself, I know moms having been doing this forever, but I couldn't do it without Hubby. And I feel like maybe I need to go back to work just so people think it's more okay for him to be helping me 😰

Has anyone else heard these kind of comments 😭

Answer

You do what works for your family.  Before my son started sleeping through the night, I did all night wake ups but my husband always helped when he wasn't at work, just not at night.  That was kind of our agreement.  He drives a truck for a living, so I wanted him to be well rested.  It will change when have #2 probably though because I'll need more help.

Answer

Sorry, posted too quick. It's whatever works for you, we thought it was fair that way & are planning on doing it again in a few months time. I can't expect my husband to be able to function well at work & provide for us if he's up during the night with the baby. That's what my maternity leave is for. Sayin that, some men are genuinely more helpful than others & want to be incredibly involved. Ignore comments from FIL.

Answer

The arrangement we have is that when he's at work the kids and the house are my job. When he's home, responsibility for the children and our home falls equally to both of us. When our babies were really little we took shifts at night. Right now I'm pregnant and not feeling well so he's been picking up some of the slack. Your FIL is from a different generation. Fathers are more involved now than they used to be, and I think that's a good thing.

Answer

The way I look at it is: assuming your husband works 8 hours a day, and you are with baby during those 8 hours. Husband comes home, but baby still needs taking care of. At that point, it is both parents responsibility to take care of baby. Plus, how else would the father bond with the baby if he doesn't take care of it?

My first is due August 2nd, and I am a housewife. And once baby gets here, I'll be a SAHM. I plan on being the one to get up with baby when she cries at night, only because I want my husband to get his sleep for work. But between him getting home and before he goes to bed, I expect him to help me. And he plans on it as well.

Answer

It's likely a generational thing. My dad and stepmom are a lot like this, very defined gender roles... she doesn't do any work outside (shoveling, mowing the lawn, etc) and he doesn't do laundry or dishes. I remember my dad being weirded out when he realized I shoveled in the winter and my (then boyfriend now hubby) mowed the lawn. Seems silly to a younger generation but do your best to not let it get to you. Every family is different. My husband works in the trades so while I'm on leave I do feel like I have a responsibility to be the one up at night because it would be extremely dangerous for him to be overly tired on jobsites.

Answer

Honestly it's none of your FIL business!

Answer

So our agreement with our first was that I did all the night feeds etc and getting up because I was on maternity leave & he had to work during the day. It worked for us. He does bath & bed sometimes.

Answer

Your FIL is clueless. Why would your husband get to clock off after 40 hours and you're "on the clock" 24/7 never get a break? My partner NEVER complains about helping with the baby, the house not being clean. The first few months when our son woke up more my fiance would do a morning feeding and diaper change. To be a good, sane mom you need help! I get a little worked up over the 50's idea of dad making money and mom doing EVERYTHING else. Doesn't work for me!

How much help do you get as a SAHM?

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