May we find hope - again

What was not welcome has come again.

This one decision, this one hope, this one thing that I want so badly, I can not control.

I can try to... I can temp, and test, and check up on my body. I can take my daily vitamin. I can take my husband into bed time and time again.

But this one thing, I can not control.

What was not welcome has come again.

Again, I am heartbroken.

Again, I am reminded of my past loss.

Again, my body aches with symptoms of what was not welcome.

Again, I am sick, and tired of my failure.

Again, I am almost mad at my lucky pregnant friends.

Again, seeing other people's babies will make me want to cry.

What was not welcome has come again.

Now, I will once again convince myself that this just was not my month. That this can not be done in my time, but must be done in God's time.

Now, I will once again be reminded of how truly thankful I am for my first miracle, my beautiful son.

Now, I will once again force myself to seek what I want most, despite the pain it may bring.

What was not welcome, has come again.

I may be mad, but I will simply try again.

May I find hope - again.