I'm almost 8 weeks pregnant and I feel overwhelmingly alone. I have two daughters 8 and 5. I haven't told them yet because I'm afraid to explain it to them. The guy I've know for 15 years he went off to the military for 4 years when came back he wasn't the same. We had both been through a lot but always remained close. The past 4 years of my life have been a nightmare. The level of abuse I went through with him was crazy. Even worse because he was best friend and I never expected that from him. I didn't want to leave him alone. I tried my hardest to help him. I was pregnant this time last year and he forced me to get an abortion. That was the worst experience of my life. So by December I knew he was talking to someone else we weren't talking like we used to. A few days before my birthday he called me just to call me names and curse me out then on December 15th we called it quits. We didn't talk for 3 months no contact no anything which was something in the 15 years of knowin each other we've never done. Then one day he calls me telling me he misses me and loves me and all this stuff I held my ground the first few calls. I never called him then one night I went out and had too much too drink and the courage was raging through me. I went to his house we talked for hours and it was good. I told him we didn't have to end on bad terms and leave it that way. Being around him wasn't what I needed. He told me he wasn't ready before but he was ready for a baby now. So we spent the next two days just wrapped up in each other. Then he became distant in the end before I left. So a few weeks later when I called to tell him I was pregnant after us arguing a few times in between he called me everything but a child of God. Told me to fuck off and get out of his life and kill it. He had a lady and didn't want me to ruin it because I was a liar and the baby wasn't his. I haven't talked to him since I told him. He blocked me. I haven't reached out seeing if maybe he would come around. I'm so devastated. Even more mad at myself because I love someone who never really loved me. I failed this child. I'm so broken. It doesn't make any sense how shattered I feel as a mother.