I need help not judgements 😔

So in every relationship I've been with including my marriage of 7 years, I mess it up big time, no the guys I've been with are not perfect, far from that, but most of the unhapiness is caused by me, I'm so insecure, and jealous, and I think I'm paranoid too😰 I thought that in my new relashionship after a messed up marriage, it would be different that I would have learn that my actions only will push him away.. but no.. here I am.. I get nervous stop eating and start shaking if he doesn't answer the phone and I count the minutes his out to the gym or to his friends or family.. this is killing me and today he said to me that I'm acting like and idiot and is not working to well😔 he is all relaxed and has his plans after work does his things and I'm here just leaving to check what he does where he goes and how long he takes 😰I'm ruining it can someone tell me how to stop being an idiot and a control freak ???