I really need help...fed up with my body 😔

I've been on the combined pill for nine months and I can't trust it. Whenever my boyfriend and I do have sex we use condoms to but whatever we do I can't stop being scared about pregnancy. I worry even on months when we don't have sex and I've had periods since then. My body is all over the place and I don't know how to trust the pill because all the side effects and my cycles are still all over the place. Some months I have heavy periods and some are light. Some months I have awful cramps and bloating some I don't. I had off and on spotting my first six months, and now this month it's come back and I don't know why. It always gives me something to worry about even though I shouldn't be worrying. Whenever I get spotting mid-month I automatically think implantation bleeding and I'm just so fed up with my anxiety about pregnancy when it's not even possible, and how my body is reacting to the pil that I've been taking for almost a year. It makes me want to cry that my body doesn't do what it's supposed to