so bipolar disorder runs in my family, my mom has it (in an acute form) my grandfather has it MASSIVELY, he is on the most extreme end of the disorder, and three of his four siblings also are on the disorder spectrum, which they inherited the disorder from their father and his side of the family. It's never crossed my mind it might happen to me, I've been 18 for a few months now, it's my senior year of high school and I graduate in about a month. I've never had depression or anything other than anxiety, but for the past 8ish months (since late Septemberish) I've been in a state of depression, and it took me a long time to admit and come to terms with that because I've never experienced depression before, but after recognizing "hey this isn't just the effects of the weather or senoritis" it's been even harder to function and it's been effecting every area of my life. Recently I've been doing more and more research on bi-polar disorder, took every test I can find since I am strongly against self diagnosing, though I think all the online tests are bullshit anyways, but I guess I'm just desperate for answers since I've never experienced something like this in my life, they all said I have a high chance of having bipolar disorder or other mood disorders. I've been having unusual thoughts and urges lately, I've never ever been self destructive or out of control but lately I've been having periods of high irritability, of wanting to destroy myself by drinking or doing drugs, I did something incredibly stupid on my AP exam last week, which I won't go into details about, but I couldn't stop myself and during it I felt like nothing was real and like I had a dissociative moment and those moments are starting to happen more and I haven't been able to control them anymore. My mom despite all her mental health issues isn't understanding at all and is an advocate of "doctors and medicine and therapy don't do shit, you just have to suffer through the episodes and cycles and when you have good days, go with it, and when you have bad days, go with it" so I'm not sure if I should ask her about seeing a psychiatrist or not. I talked about my depression with my counselor and another administrator at my school and they just told me "excercise and go out in the sun it'll help" and I've talked to them about my problems and fears twice now and they've just given me dismissive answers. I don't know what to do, should I try and get help or just see if it passes? I don't want to make a big deal to my mom or the doctor if it's just me overthinking or being dramatic.