Borther's Best Friend (f-ed up and explicit)

Okay so I switched schools (to a christian school) and the hottest guy (a senior football/baseball team captain) became my brothers best friend (my brother is a freshman idk how this happened). So long story short I figured out we had ALOT in common and I started texting him and one night we hung out (this is like the third semster of the school year so it took me awhile to get the balls to talk to him (im a sophmore)).. well one night I snuck out and he picked me up and we went down the the boat ramp right by my house. We smoked (I figured out he smoked occasionally because his dad passed last year and sometimes he gets really depressed) (also I prefer not to smoke at night because I was forced and pressured into sex by my first boyfriend to smoke and then he raped me so everytime I smoke at night I get really bad anxiety and I get cold shivers and it makes me trip out) but I started getting my shiver things (idk what to call it) and I started over thinking and basically, it was not the move because I really really was hardcore crushing on this guy. But we were chillin and then it was kinda just akward for a while, (idk how long I wasn't keeping track) but I was on my phone and he ended up taking it and putting it in the front seat (we moved to the backseat after I got super cold cause his ac was on and idk he just asked if that would be better) and then I kinda knew for sure that he wanted to fuck, which I wanted to fuck him too so I was all on board for it but I had cotton mouth so I started overthinking again (when I say overthinking, I mean it kinda just makes me act weird, like I overthink so much that I'm kinda just stuck in my mind when I'm high, which can be a good thing, but not at night, when your with you biggest crush, who you know is dtf.) But after I came down I laid on him for a while, it could've been awkward if we weren't high but we were so I don't think it was. But I mustered up the courage to sit up and start talking to him then I kissed him and we started making out and I asked him if he was okay if I did something and he said he was okay with it so I caressed his pants were there was already a bulge, I could tell when i was laying on his lap, but then I took it out and asked him if it was okay if I gave him head and then I did and he stopped me after a while and reached to the glove box to get a condom, which he didn't know how to put on (I owe eve for teaching me this shit 🙏🏽) so I put it on him and we ended up having some hardcore sex and the car got all steamy and shit, the condom ended up coming off (which I wouldn't have let happened if I wasn't still coming down (I'm really lightweight and I barely smoke so when I do I go to a pretty high level)) But I said the dumbest shit "did you come" after he pulled out. Which was jot what I meant. I meant did you come outside of me or did you make sure to pull out or whatever else better way to word that shit I just didn't want him to come inside me and I said that dumb shit. Embarrassing. Anyways, we chilled after in his car for like another hour and i was really talkative after that and we had a good ass conversation, and I mean like a fucking bomb ass, once in a lifetime, I'm always gonna remember that shit type of convo. We even established my next Instagram quote on the way home from part of out convo 😂🙌🏽. After I got home he texted me and I was still so ecstatic and everything and it continued over the weekend and we talked about meeting up again and shit but then school the next day was shitty because I couldn't tell any of my friends that I'd just fucked the hottest guy in the school, or that I'd finally gotten with my senior crush. And then the next day he texted me asking if I'd said anything because stuff was coming back to him, which I hadn't said a fucking letter concerning him so it pissed me off that he texted me all accusatory and assuming shit and everything cause he must've been the one saying shit which pissed me off 😂. Then we stopped talking and a week later he texted me and I hit him back with a question and then he opened it and he didn't reply. I am so bad at not letting the guys chase me but I was in the shower so I was like fuck it, I'm not gonna text him again and HE FUCKING TEXTED ME BACK LIKE TEN MINUTES LATER AND I GOT SO HAPPY CAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKED BECAUSE THIS HAPPENED BEFORE AND I TEXTED AGAIN AND HE DIDN'T RESPOND. But I waited ten min to open his shit cause that shit still pissed me off loll. And then we ended up sexting and that was chill 😂 lol. 

There's more sorry everybody. 

Okay so a few weeks pass and my brother and him made plans to go to the boogie wit da hoodie concert. My mom asked me if I wanted to go (not with them but with one of my friends or something) And I ended up going and I texted him at the concert and I said "bro this dude just rolled me a joint" with a picture of this hot ass dude rolling me and my friends a joint and he texted back asking if he could come hit it and I said no cause it was my friends and we only had a little bit. But I think he got mad 🤷🏼‍♀️. After the party my friend and I planned to go down to the beach (concert was in daytona) and we ended up fucking locking our keys in the car with all of our fucking money inside and our clothes. But while passing time I sent him a snap saying he should come skinny dip with me and my girl at the beach and then that dick head blocked me. He fucking blocked me. I am so fucking confused at this point I feel shitty for texting him and opening up and shit because I know he just wanted to fuck and then i think, maybe he just blocked me because my brother accidentally saw the snap or something.. but then Monday he blocked me from insta and then he unblocked me, followed me, then re blocked me. Idfk what to think maybe somebodies input would help me clear my thoughts or something but this was a disaster..