newborn baby overnight stay at dads? 😕

Question

This is going to be quite long but any advice would be great!! Me and my babys dad split up a few months ago, its been civil, bit of arguing here and there but generally we get on and now baby is due any day we are talking about whats going to happen when baby is born... Im trying to explain to him that if he wants to go and 'show off' baby to his frends he will have to take me with him as baby is going to be attached to me for a few months (e.g. breastfeeding) and that baby won't be staying over night away from me for a long time.. his response is that i can pump bottles for baby and he can take him whenever he wants - i don't know what to say or how to make him understand that he cant just take baby away from me until he is older... Its literally already making me cry thinking about baby being away from me! 
Although I have no doubt he will be a great dad, he has had drug problems (unsure if ongoing as we're not together anymore) and he is quite immature and selfish, all these reasons make it hard for me to trust him straight away.

Being a first time mum I don't have much experience and I wondered if I was right in what I'm thinking of if I'm being too 'strict'. If I am right what can I say to him to make him realise?

Thanks!

Answer

No. Legally a baby does not stay overnight until AT LEAST 18 months. He can have visitation for a few hours but no overnight stays until baby is older. My sister has two young boys and went through this. And if you weren't married you are the only legal guardian of the baby regardless of whether or not he was on the birth certificate. Her sons' father is on their birth certificate but they were not married so he was told legally he had no rights as they had made no legal custody agreement. To get rights he has to get a custody arrangement and pay child support. Doesn't matter how he feels or you feel, LEGALLY there has to be a custody agreement for him to be considered a legal guardian. Good luck! 💕

Answer

He's being unreasonable
A newborn should not be away from mom for too long.  I think arrangements should be made for overnight stays when baby is older and can be without you for the night with bottles.  
If you feel uncomfortable about drug use,  request a drug test.  The child's safety is best,  it isn't too much to ask for a simple test.

Answer

Your making the right decisions...with addicts you never know what they might do....

Answer

You need to establish breastfeeding. Him giving the baby a bottle can and probably will cause nipple confusion. You're doing the right thing. The first few months is really important, getting the hang of breastfeeding can be very hard! So you don't want to throw all that hard work to waste. Just tell him he can come over whenever he wants. And you're happy to go with him to introduce the baby to family/ friends.

Answer

Have him take a pee test. That might help you ease your mind. But don't tell him first. Just have him come over and spring it on him or he could bring someone else's pee. As for breast feeding I'm not sure what to do about that.

Answer

I hate when people say "your baby, your choice" it took 2 people to create the child. It's THEIR baby. Anywho, I get you not wanting to do overnights yet. I would just have a good sit down with the father and both of you try to come to a compromise. If you guys are close in distance then maybe he can come over your place and spend a couple of hours with baby. They'll be in your eyesight and I would just allow him to bond "somewhat alone" with his child and maybe you could pump a bottle so he can feed baby so he can have that as a bonding method as well. Compromise is key.

Answer

Your baby, your choice. If he tries to literally take the baby from you, call the cops. The baby isn't supposed to be away from you until it is old enough and ready. He needs to put his selfishness aside and do what's right for the baby.

Answer

With breastfeeding I'd say no. I still breastfeed my one year old and he has never stayed at his dad's. Most states don't do over nights until the lo is 2.5 years old. Good luck to you

Answer

My son's father didn't get to take my son until he was 6 months old. And I didn't even breastfeed that long. I just wasn't ready to allow my son to be away from me for that long. Me and my son's father were and still are on very good terms though. But if you are planning on exclusively breastfeeding with no bottles, then there isn't much he can do in my opinion. Good luck!

Answer

I was in the same situation. Though my baby daddy understood I'd have to be around so that made it easier. Tell him the if he wants to see the baby he can come to your house and see him. Plus, a newborn shouldn't be around too many new people anyways! Risk of someone getting him/her sick is too high. That's what my dr told me anyways. If it isn't family I'd say they can just wait.

newborn baby overnight stay at dads? 😕

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