My brother in law is married to a woman that I have a severe dislike for, with good reason. When my husband was dangerously ill and on life support, they drove 13 hours with my parents in law to be at the hospital and she did nothing but complain and throw tantrums about my brother in law being at the hospital so much, while she never stepped foot in the hospital, asked about my husband, nor bothered to offer any support in general.

She refuses to help with household expenses and constantly makes comments about how broke my BIL is (because he is paying all the bills, supporting her and her two kids, as well as his two children)while she's out shopping at high end boutiques and taking trips with her daughters. This has gotten to the point that he is looking at having to file bankruptcy.

She refuses to acknowledge his children, which is easy enough since they live with their mother and my BIL visits them on his own.

She is extremely jealous and manipulative, even forbidding my BIL from visiting us on his own because she doesn't trust him, which has been an issue from the start.

To take the cake, she pretty much refuses to acknowledge me in any way, even having gone so far as to text my husband that when he gets tired of me, she had a friend that was perfect for him.

The whole family only mildly tolerates her because of my BIL. My husband can't stand her but doesn't was a rift between him and his brother, which I understand and support, but they recently decided to come visit us and he and I are at odds because I don't want the woman in my home and my husband doesn't think we should let them stay in a hotel. I've have always tried my best to be friendly towards her, and when that failed, I've never been anything but polite, but after the text she sent (completely unprovoked, was just totally random) and her behavior towards me, I have had enough and refuse to have her in my home. I feel that her blatant disrespect for family, and mistreatment of my BIL, coupled with her actions towards is more than enough to justify my not wanting her here. My husband isn't thrilled about her coming, but he is close with his brother, as am i, as brothers in law go, and doesn't want to risk causing a rift between them. Should I suck it up and slap a smile on my face, or stand by my decision to not allow her here?