Awful wife...

I am married now, and I love my husband so so much!! But I use to be in love with my bestfriend. We hated each other in 7rh grade and then that summer he moved to my apartment complex and it sparked a friendship. We became best friends after that. I moved the next town over and shortly after he moved back to Arizona, but we remained friends until about 2 years ago. He never had feelings for me back, but said that if I had said something he would have gone out with me. I wasn't popular in school and thought I would make him uncool and a loser if he dated me. We haven't talked in a year or so, but I miss him a lot. I think I miss him most as a friend, but I feel like I still have feelings for him. I'm an awful wife because I married someone, but still have feelings for someone else... I think of him often and miss him immensely... Would you agree that I'm an awful wife?...