Help. Im suffering.

Ladies. It's been too long and I need some genuine advice...

I only just turned 18 this month and trying to get used to adulthood. For as long as I can remember I have always felt like I am not beautiful, to myself and in the eyes of other people. I am of mixed race, my father is African-American and my mom is Thai. I am called different and exotic almost all the time and I usually feel more offended than flattered...I feel like a specimen on display. I have curly, sometimes unmanagable black hair, a short uneven body, dark eyes with frekles in them and other bodily features which I find almost too masculine and unattractive. I have never dated and don't feel I will for a long time because of how I look.

I am absolutely mental over light skinned girls with naturally straight and full hair...I get jelous over the sight of other women - I am definitely not happy nor comfortable in my own skin and I don't know what to do about it.

I know I'm really beating myself up about this, call me silly even but it has been something that has worried since my teenage years. I feel sad and lost...I was wondering if anyone could advise me about this. I want to grow and feel unashamed about my appearance.