Do I still have feelings for my sons father?

My son's father is not active in this pregnancy quite frankly he doesn't see the need to be responsible until he's born. But we don't have a healthy relationship. We are not together and I am not bitter about it. He was emotionally abusive towards me and in the end it really messed me up. Like I have to seek therapy now. He said he wanted to work on the relationship with me but I feel like things wouldn't change between us. He's been a huge stresser in this pregnancy. But despite all of that I'm not mad or bitter feeling towards him. I don't feel spiteful or anything. It's just the thought of him and someone else just makes me feel sick. I don't know what it is. I just feel crappy going through this pregnancy by myself while he's out on dates with other people. He doesn't really check on me either and I'm not too bothered by it. I feel really passive but I don't understand why I feel so hurt by him just doing him. I don't understand why I feel like crying whenever I think about honestly being a single mom and him not really being there. Do I still have feelings for him? What am I feeling. I don't understand it.